IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the differences in the consumption of three fast food among Australian teenager. Write a report describing the information shown below. Write at least 150 words.

The graph below shows the differences in the consumption of three fast food among Australian teenager. Write a report describing the information shown below. Write at least 150 words.
#differences #consumption #three #food #australian #teenager #report #information
The line graph compares data about fast food consumed by teenagers in Australia between 1975 and 2000.
Overall
, it can be seen that
Hamburger
Fix the agreement mistake
Hamburgers
show examples
 and pizza experienced an increase,
while
 fish and chips
droped
Correct your spelling
dropped
.
To begin
with
Add a comma
with,
show examples
 in 1975
amount
Correct article usage
the amount
show examples
 of time fish and chips was equal to 100. It decreased
just
Change preposition
to just
show examples
 under 80 in 1980 and showed a tiny
rose
Replace the word
rise
show examples
 to just under 100 . There was an incredible decrease to 40 in 2000. Consumption of hamburger was just under 20. There was
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
 increase to 80 in the next decade and grew to 100. Regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
Pizza in 1975
teenegers
Correct your spelling
teenagers
 ate approximately 8 pizzas.
Afterwards
Add a comma
Afterwards,
show examples
 the number of people who
eat
Wrong verb form
ate
show examples
 pizza increased dramatically to just over 80 in the
2000 year
Add a hyphen
2000-year
show examples
 time period between 1975 and 1995.
Then
 the figure levelled off
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to just over 80 until 2000.
By
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
show examples
 consumption of
hamburger
Fix the agreement mistake
hamburgers
show examples
 experienced an increase between 1975 and 1985.In 1985, approximately 84 hamburgers were eaten.
However
,
this
 trend slowed down and reached 100 in 1995.Afterwards, the trend was reminded until 2000.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "just over" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "just under" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: