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Band 3

Despite health warning, a large number of people continue to smoke all over the world. why should we be concerned about this? what solution would you suggest? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#health #people #smoke #world #reason
The bar chart provides key information about
theproportion
Correct your spelling
the proportion
 of students who are able in a foreign language in various regions. The units are measured in ratio.
Overall
, it is clear from the graph that India has the highest rate of the female around 68%.
In addition
, Romania has a significant rate of
females
 at 65% ,
whereas
males
 achieve a lower ratio of 41%.
According to
 what is shown, Thailand has the equivalent rate of
females
 and
males
. Approximately 30%.
Moreover
, Russian
females
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 a slightly higher of
males
 at 42% and
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 accounted for 33%. In terms of China,
females
 are more proficient than
males
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 30% and men at 18%. To illustrate, we notice in all countries the female has a considerably higher and they effectively understand foreign languages except Thailand. Eventually, Vietnam female has a significant amount at 56% and
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
males
Add a comma
males,
show examples
 they are speaking foreign languages at 38%.
Submitted by raghadyaseer2015 on

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introduction conclusion present
Try to provide a clear introduction and conclusion to your essay to help readers grasp the topic better.
logical structure
Focus on improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs to enhance coherence.
clear comprehensive ideas
Develop your ideas more comprehensively, including providing more examples or explanations where necessary.
relevant info usage
You have mentioned relevant information from the bar chart effectively, like the statistics from India, Romania, and other countries.
supported main points
Your essay includes adequate details and comparisons between male and female language proficiency across different countries.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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