IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The government should invest in education and health care. Governments should invest these funds in tourism. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#government #education #health #care #governments #funds #tourism
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In every
country
Use synonyms
 on the earth, there is disagreement around the topic of legal funds. On
this
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 topic, few consider bureaucracy ought to spend money on
education
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 and
health
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 systems;
while
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 others contend authorities should invest
this
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 proportion in
tourism
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. I totally disagree with
this
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 notion because the
health
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care
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 and
education
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 systems are primarily sectors for all nations.
To begin
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 with, there is no doubt that the
education
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system
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 is the foundation of a particular region. First and foremost, educating folks aid in to growth of the economy of the
country
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. If people are qualified and work in a good profession;
therefore
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 they will taxes to the
country
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;
thus
Linking Words
 it assists in to growth
country
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 in various aspects.
In other words
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, in many developing countries, people are not educated;
hence
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 they become a burden on the taxpayers.
Likewise
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, a good
education
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system
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 helps to bring international students into the
country
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 which automatically boosts the economy of the
country
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.
For instance
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, a recent survey conducted by Time News of India indicates that the statistics of international students increased in London by 12% in 2019 compared to 2011 and it helped to increase the
country
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's economy.
Additionally
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,
health
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care
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 is another prominent area to focus
.
Change preposition
on.
show examples
Firstly
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, citizens need a good
health
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care
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system
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 because they pay taxes from their income.
For example
Linking Words
, an article written by The
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
 of New York illustrates that many countries have free
healthcarecare
Correct your spelling
healthcare care
health care care
 systems.
Moreover
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, a healthy
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health
Correct your spelling
healthcare
show examples
care
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system
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 makes healthy people.
Similarly
Linking Words
, unhealthy residents are a burden on the government and taxpayers. Substantial, legal bodies should pay more attention to
health
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care
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.
Overall
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,
although
Linking Words
tourism
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 is a paramount sector, spending
education
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 and
health
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care
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 funds on
tourism
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 is not a feasible solution. The government should make a separate budget for
tourism
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by taniamall786 on

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task achievement
Consider refining your thesis statement for clarity. It would benefit from explicitly stating your position in relation to investing in tourism versus education and healthcare.
task achievement
Your supporting points could include more specific data or examples to strengthen your argument. This helps solidify the stance and make it more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to maintain cohesion. Use linking words and phrases to connect your ideas clearly.
coherence cohesion
Try grouping related ideas into paragraphs more effectively. This will enhance the logical structure and make your arguments clearer.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which restates the main arguments supporting the position taken.
task achievement
You have a good range of vocabulary related to the topic, which helps convey your ideas effectively.
logical structure
There is a logical progression of ideas that supports your viewpoint throughout the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Investment: capital allocation towards a sector, often for development or improvement.
  • Long-term economic growth: sustainable increase in a country’s economic productivity over an extended period.
  • Knowledgeable workforce: employees who are well-educated and trained, capable of driving innovation.
  • Healthcare services: medical services, including prevention, treatment, and management of illnesses.
  • Economic sustainability: responsible management of resources to ensure long-term economic health.
  • Tourism: industry focusing on travel for leisure, which contributes to a nation's economic revenue.
  • External factors: variables outside of a country's control that can impact its economy or sectors.
  • Foundation: the base or groundwork upon which further development can be built.
  • Societal welfare: the well-being of a community in terms of health, education, and economic conditions.
  • Social equity: fairness and equality in access to opportunities and resources within a society.
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