IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries today the retirement age from work has been raised. Do the advantages of raising the retirement age outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #retirement #age #work
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Nowadays
retirement
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age
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 from work has increased, and
due to
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this
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 reason, there are more significant edges than drawbacks. Making a high
age
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 limit for
retirement
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 is beneficial for workers to gain profit more.
Firstly
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, working a lot of years can affect people's
pension
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 amount. If they have a few years in their seniority it paves the way for creating a good
future
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retirement
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 life. During their
last
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 working years, they can save money for funding for
future
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 investments. Gaining experience as a worker
,
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apply
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leads to creating a
future
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 successful company or startup in their major. Especially it is a good chance for the Information Technologies sector, as in
this
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 sector they will have a good
future
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 in their
pension
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 period. Having
retirement
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 can create a time for inventing or developing significant things in
this
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 field.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 statement had disadvantages for different professions
such
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 as military or law enforcement. In those fields, people should have an early
retirement
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, as they had difficult and significant workdays during their attendance. İn order to create a strong and unpenetrable country, the government should take care of army officers
therefore
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 they should have an early
pension
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age
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.
Additionally
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. having a high
age
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 limit for
retirement
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 is not eligible for adults. In high ages over 60, people are not insured from death, which means maybe they can not reach their
retirement
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age
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 and their taxes for their
pension
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 can not be available for them. İn conclusion, in my perspective
this
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 change had more disadvantages than pros in some specific fields. Everyone should get their
retirement
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 at an early
age
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 to enjoy life.
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task achievement
Clarify examples and connect them more closely to the main point, especially when discussing the IT sector's benefits.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on one clear point, with examples that directly support that point. This will help in maintaining logical structure.
task achievement
The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of raising the retirement age.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, nicely framing the discussion.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical flow with clear points - first discussing advantages, then disadvantages, followed by a personal opinion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • retirement age
  • life expectancy
  • pension systems
  • financial pressure
  • economic growth
  • workforce
  • retirement savings
  • skills and knowledge transfer
  • job opportunities
  • health challenges
  • work-life balance
  • societal resistance
  • burnout
  • productivity
  • well-being
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