Many countries now face an economic downturn so it is better for each country to focus on its own problems rather than helping other countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

These days, the
economy
is the main factor for all
countries
, so a group of people believe that
countries
which have economic issues have to focus on their matters
instead
of helping other societies. I subscribe to
this
idea owing to the fact that their community is more important than other populations;
additionally
, aiding other
countries
requires not only
time
but
also
money
,which can change the country's position. On the one hand, the
economy
has a lot of effects on inhabitants, so when it does not improve, most citizens will be in poverty; in fact, the rate of crime in these
countries
climb.
In other words
, after a long
time
changing
this
situation to the ideal form needs a great deal of
time
and
money
with foreign help;
as a result
, the best way to avoid
this
negative development is for governments to make plans which alter their
economy
instead
of aid to other
countries
.
On the other hand
, it is important to help other
countries
invest
money
and
time
to solve their problems and most
time
when they want to get back
this
money
, they need a majority of the
time
;
consequently
, it cannot have a positive impact on the helper country
while
this
authority that aids other
countries
can fund these items on its country ;
thereafter
, it is able to see the good influence in their society and its
economy
improving really fast.
To sum up
, In my opinion, enhancing own
economy
and the population's lives is more essential in these issues than in other
countries
inasmuch as these elements can show how many times that
countries
can achieve their goal and have a good position.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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task achievement
Clarify some of your main ideas and provide more relevant examples to strengthen your argument. For example, you can use real-world scenarios where countries focused on their own problems versus helping others.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve the logical structure by ensuring smooth transitions between your paragraphs. This will help the reader understand your argument more clearly.
task achievement
Work on making your arguments more clear and straightforward. Some sentences could be simplified to enhance clarity.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion and maintains it throughout the text.
coherence cohesion
Both the introduction and conclusion effectively frame the discussion and provide closure.
task achievement
The essay attempts to explore multiple perspectives, which is commendable and adds depth to the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic downturn
  • prioritize
  • solving
  • assisting
  • long-term benefits
  • international cooperation
  • economic stability
  • providing aid
  • diplomatic relations
  • supporting
  • less developed countries
  • overall
  • global economic growth
  • balancing
  • national interests
  • global responsibilities
  • crucial
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