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Band 7

Some people think that in modern society individuals are becoming more dependent on each other, while others say that individuals are becoming more independent of each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

#people #society #individuals
I firmly believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 independence or dependence is an attitude related to the person itself and not attached to any type of
society
, part of
people
 say that modern
society
 makes individuals more dependent
while
 others consider modern
society
 excused as the main reason causing independent
people
. Actually, I'm not with these two sides but I will try to discuss both sides explaining why
people
 could have
such
 opinions.
First,
I will explain why
people
 could say that modern
society
 makes
people
 more dependent on each other.
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think because of modern
society
’s fast-paced life, and
people
 in modern
society
 are too busy, they do not have much time to do all their housework, care for their children, drop their kids at school, cook, wash the car, etc.
therefore
 they always need other
people
 to help them, and complement their comfortable life.
On the other hand
, modern
society
 could make
people
 more independent because of the availability of high technology, modern communities became more dependent on machines
instead
 of
people
. Everything can be done with high perfection depending on devices without human interference, so
people
 in modern
society
 do not need humans anymore to help them because the machines can do anything without overloading them with an amount of money avoiding the officious of
people
, and that will cause isolation.
Finally
, we are created to complement each other, and we indeed need
people
 around us not only to assist us but
also
 to live a normal life. That will prevent isolation diseases, which ultimately lead to a dozen physical and psychological diseases.
Submitted by Mido  on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples or personal experiences to support points. This helps strengthen your arguments and shows the understanding needed for a higher score.
coherence cohesion
Improve paragraph transitions to ensure smooth flow between your ideas. Using linking words will help connect your sentences and paragraphs better.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly defined, helping to structure the essay well.
task achievement
Both views on the topic are discussed, showing a balanced understanding of the question.
task achievement
The essay's main points are supported by sensible reasoning, illustrating a good comprehension of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • interdependence
  • globalized economy
  • collaborative work environments
  • crowd-sourced
  • empowered
  • perception
  • availability
  • autonomy
  • reliance
  • shifted
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