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Band 2.5

Too much attention is given to headline-grabbing disasters like earthquakes and floods. Government should concentrate their resources on educating people about the risk they face nearer to home, which can cost far more lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

#attention #disasters #earthquakes #floods #government #resources #people #risk #face #home #cost #lives
There is no denying the fact that disasters
risk
Verb problem
apply
show examples
like earthquakes and floods to
people
.
While
 it is a commonly held belief that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should focus their resources on educating
people
 about disasters
denger
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
close to home . There is
also
 an
arguments
Change the noun form
argument
show examples
 that opposes it . In my opinion, I consider that governments need to balance resource allocation between immediate
disaster
 relief and longer-term educational programs.
To begin
with
Add a comma
with,
show examples
 natural disasters and
roles
Correct article usage
the roles
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government
Change preposition
of government
show examples
 dealing with
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. In
another word
Fix the agreement mistake
other words
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, The
government
 should awareness
people
 about earthquakes risk .
In addition
 to providing funding
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 humanitarian aid .
For
example
Add a comma
example,
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 the
government
 is
prepareing
Correct your spelling
preparing
 immediate
disaster
 relief . Another point to consider media coverage
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
 topic is essential . It is
also
possibly
Change the word
possible
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 to say the media can divert attention
local
Change preposition
to local
show examples
 risk mitigation .
Moreover
 ,
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
government
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
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 teams
disaster
Change preposition
in disaster
show examples
 response that
specializes
Correct subject-verb agreement
specialize
show examples
 in search, rescue and rehabilitation. In conclusion, despite
people
 having different views , I believe the
government
 should concentrate their resources on educating
people
 and immediate
disaster
 relief .
Submitted by ethar1417 on

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task achievement
Try to provide clearer supporting arguments and examples to strengthen your main points. Specific examples can enhance the credibility and depth of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Consider improving the logical flow of your essay. Ensure that each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next, maintaining coherence throughout.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of different perspectives.
coherence cohesion
The introduction sets the stage for the main argument of the essay, and a conclusion is attempted.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • headline-grabbing
  • disasters
  • natural disasters
  • media coverage
  • sensationalism
  • local issues
  • funding
  • executive resources
  • resource allocation
  • risk awareness
  • domestic fires
  • road safety
  • food storage
  • education initiatives
  • community engagement
  • local government
  • immediate disaster relief
  • long-term benefits
  • local risk mitigation
What to do next:
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