IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The government should pay to the parents of very young children, so that one of them can stay at home and look after their children. What do you think are the pros and cons of this policy? Justify your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#government #parents #children #home #policy
Nowadays, we have a situation where
parents
 want to have an extra budget. They can spend it on their
children
;
Moreover
, they can provide more free time, and freedom to educate their child/
children
 as they want. Parenting upbringing is very important in the modern era. Let's move on to the pros and cons of
this
 policy. The first thing I want to say about the pros is - that it will be better for the administration to pay the
parents
 of very young
children
. They can freely leave their work.
Moreover
, it comes back in the future to the governments, because these
children
 will have a good education from their
parents
. Now when it comes to cons let's say that giving
money
 to every parent who has a young child is not good. Some
parents
 can waste
money
 not for their
children
 or in some cases
parents
 don't need
money
. Many people like
money
 and want to get it for free
such
 cases won't be an exception.
In addition
, I add some examples of why
this
 support helps a lot. Families have no
money
 and they cannot afford to pay for their
children
's education. So, they should pay attention to their job and leave their child with themself. But if a family has support from the administration it will help to grow a good person who will appreciate his/her administration
as a result
 will help to develop the country. In conclusion, I have the opinion that can solve
this
 problem. The government should create an organization;
Furthermore
, the responsibility of
this
 company is to check if
parents
 really need
money
 support.
Submitted by vladkruglovfencer on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay has a good foundation but would benefit from clearer organization and stronger transitions between points. Consider structuring your essay with clear paragraphs for introduction, advantages, disadvantages, and conclusion.
task achievement
Your arguments are relevant but could be developed further with more specific examples and evidence. Try to add more detailed examples to support your points quantitatively or qualitatively.
task achievement
Ensure that your conclusion summarizes the main points and provides a clear final opinion. This will strengthen the impact of your essay.
task achievement
You have addressed both the pros and cons of the policy, which shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The conclusion provides a potential solution, showcasing critical thinking and problem-solving skills.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • formative years
  • cognitive development
  • financial burden
  • low-income families
  • gender roles
  • gender equality
  • workplace
  • economic strain
  • divert resources
  • public services
  • healthcare
  • education
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • socialization
  • structured learning
  • daycare/early education programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: