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Band 7.5

Schools should concentrate on teaching students, the academic subjects that will be useful for their future careers. Subjects such as music and sports are not useful. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#schools #students #subjects #future #careers #music #sports
In recent years,
due to
 the competitive environment in schools, a wide variety of
subjects
 have been taught in these places.
However
, the usefulness of these topics has been controversial, nowadays. I strongly disagree with the idea that something handy should be taught in schools.
Thus
, obtaining and utilizing these skills might be beneficial in their
future
 careers. In
this
 essay, I will outline the reasons for it and the effects of enacting limitations on the academic system.
Firstly
,
students
 should get a sense of every subject to find the best one.
Hence
, these various
subjects
 can benefit them to look for their desire more easily.
For instance
, the tendency to be an athlete in the
future
 might stem from learning sports in elementary school.
As a result
, the usefulness of some
subjects
 does not depend on being a doctor or a successful engineer in the
future
 and
this
 perspective should be altered.
On the other hand
, limiting
students
 by removing some academic
subjects
, might lead to catastrophic failures in their learning process.
For example
, assume a student chose to be a composer one day, if he did not learn mathematics, he would not be able to calculate some basic equations. Because of that, omitting important
subjects
 is not suggested
due to
 their important impacts. All in all, the level of competition among schools has grown unexpectedly, but it has some big advantages for
students
. I think
students
 should be capable of choosing their
future
 career from a reasonable number of
subjects
.
Moreover
, these institutions can get some psychologists to help them with novel ideas.
Submitted by aneizehbaz on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, ensure that all ideas are smoothly linked and follow logically. Some transitions between ideas could be clearer to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
While your response effectively addresses the topic, providing more specific examples and further extending your arguments will help clarify your ideas and strengthen your argument.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly outlines your stance on the topic and provides a good framework for the essay.
logical structure
You present a balanced view by addressing both the advantages and potential drawbacks of excluding certain subjects, showing a well-rounded understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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