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Band 5

In some societies, the role of a mother differs in some ways from the role of a father. Why do you think these differences exist? How might the parental role develop in the future?

#in #societies #role #mother #father #differences #future
These bar charts provide information about the percentages of students who study foreign languages that had taken place in English-speaking countries in various different Forms of foreign languages namely French, German, and Spanish during the period of years from 1984 to 2007.
Overall
, at first glance, it is strikingly evident that girls had the highest preparation to learn a foreign
language
However
, French experienced an upward trend
while
 German and Spanish showed a downward trend during the period.
According to
 what is shown from the graph girls are considered the most likely to study a foreign
language
 in English-speaking countries
bout
Correct your spelling
about
show examples
 44% in 1984. In 2007 these figures decreased by nearly 40%. Between 1984 and 2097 boys had a low rate of almost 30 % and 33% respectively.
In contrast
, in 1984 the percentage of
language
 studies in French was the highest more than the other
language
 countries approximately 50%.
Then
 it declined sharply to almost 29% in 2007.
However
, the German
language
 made up the second position ranked by 20% in 1984. These figures dropped to around 19% in 2007. In 1984 the Spanish
language
 decreased sharply to almost 10%. In the
last
 year, the rate has grown by nearly 15%.
Submitted by f201501634 on

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task achievement
The introduction provides a general overview but lacks specific details about the trends discussed in the essay. Consider enhancing it with mention of key patterns from the charts.
task achievement
Ensure that all comparisons are accurate and based on data from the graphs. A few figures, such as those about German and Spanish trends, seem misrepresented or unclear and need clarification.
coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from stronger paragraphing and transitions to improve flow and logical progression between ideas. Try using linking words like 'similarly,' 'however,' and 'in contrast' for better cohesion.
task achievement
The essay attempts to interpret and describe trends observed over a significant time period, which is excellent for analyzing long-term data.
coherence cohesion
Expresses an understanding of gender differences in language study uptake, which adds a layer of insight.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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