IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many of the world’s cities are currently facing a serious housing shortage. What are some of the reasons for this shortage, and what solutions can you suggest? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#world’s #cities #shortage
In certain
cities
 around the world,
housing
Add an article
the housing
show examples
crisis
 is
the
Change the article
a
show examples
 major concern.
This
 outrage might be because of
following
Correct article usage
the following
show examples
 reasons migration, immigration or government planning. There could be some possible
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 to these causes. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will report solutions and reasons with examples where relevant in the forthcoming paragraphs. First and foremost, many
people
 are moving from small rural or underdeveloped
areas
 to big
cities
.
As a result
, metro polytan
cities
 are getting more congested as time passes.
Moreover
, groups of individuals are immigrating for a better opportunity to a city. In the
cities
Add a comma
cities,
show examples
 it is comparatively easier to find job options than in rural
areas
.
For example
, Toronto receives thousands of migrants and immigrants, which is
cause
Wrong verb form
causing
show examples
housing
Correct article usage
a housing
show examples
crisis
along with
rise
Add an article
the rise
a rise
show examples
 in
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
 rate. Authorities have failed to manage their
cities
 up to
people
’s expectations of food and shelter. There are many solutions to mitigate the housing
crisis
.
Firstly
,
people
 should know that before stepping into
cities
, they have to face
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 cost of living, because of the
crisis
 of comfortable living space to live or share.
People
 who are migrating or immigrating should choose
areas
 where they
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 easily find affordable places.
Additionally
, authorities should make some laws for immigrants to choose rural or underdeveloped
areas
 over big
cities
 by giving them benefits. By
such
initiatives
Add a comma
initiatives,
show examples
 those policies will help local
people
 to rent their empty rooms or houses for some extra income.
To conclude
, it is certain that
people
 are moving from place to place for better options. But there are some solutions like government policies to help develop their rural
areas
 by promoting.
Submitted by lovjotsandhu1 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Lexical Resource
Try to enrich your vocabulary. This will allow you to express your ideas more precisely and make your essay more engaging.
Grammatical Accuracy
Make sure to proofread your essay for small grammatical mistakes. Correcting them will make your writing clearer.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use more diverse transitional words and phrases to enhance the flow between your ideas. This will make your argument more cohesive.
Task Achievement
You have identified some key reasons for housing shortages, such as migration and immigration, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in maintaining a good structure.
Task Achievement
Your suggestions for governmental policies in the solutions part are thoughtful and relevant, offering valuable insights.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-urban migration
  • natural population growth
  • economic inequalities
  • property prices
  • urbanization
  • housing demand
  • land scarcity
  • government policies
  • affordable housing
  • foreign investors
  • construction costs
  • labor costs
  • real estate market
  • housing crisis
  • residential development
What to do next:
Look at other essays: