IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

A number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans are superior and entitled to employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including food and research. Discuss both these options and form your own opinion.

#people #animals #rights #humans #food #research #options #form
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A lot of
people
 think that
animals
 should have the same rights as humans.
Such
people
 usually call themselves vegans.
On the other hand
, we have most
part
 of
people
 believe that
animals
 can't be on the same level as
people
 and that
people
 breed them for their own profit. Every animal has a soul. And their own life like human life. Most of them have the same feelings as ours. They are able to feel happiness, anger, sadness and so on. They can make friends, create families and love each other. That's the main reason why vegans wish equality. Another group of
people
 reason differently. And they have more significant arguments. The Fundamental
part
 of our life in the form it is now is technology. And to be able to control it the controller has to have the necessary pieces of knowledge about that technology.
Animals
 are not smart
to
Rephrase
enough to
show examples
 deal with even the simplest tasks. And only one species of living beings except humans who can solve some simple tasks it's monkeys. But even the monkey is very far away from having the vital bits of knowledge of technology. Evolution took about three million years to reach that level of development.
Therefore
 nowadays a substantial portion of clothes are made from animal skins. From outerwear to underwear, a noteworthy
part
 of them are made from animal skins.
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
 the biggest
part
 of the meal
come
Change the verb form
comes
show examples
 from
animals
. Not counting nature meals like water groceries and fruits, all the meal that we eat on a daily basis comes from
animals
Submitted by Кожадаргулов on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas flow logically from one to the next. Currently, there is some lack of organization, particularly in the transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Provide a clear introduction that outlines the key points you wish to make, and a conclusion that summarizes these points. Both should be present to frame the essay effectively.
task achievement
Expand on arguments with specific examples or detailed explanations to strengthen your position.
task achievement
Make sure to address both sides of the argument evenly and provide a balanced view before presenting your own opinion clearly at the end.
task achievement
The essay successfully identifies two main perspectives on the topic.
task achievement
There are attempts to provide reasons and explanations for each viewpoint, which shows an understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: