The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Undoubtedly,
science
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could improve
people
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's quality lives in many different ways.
While
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it is a commonly held belief that it is crucial to focus only on human priorities. There is
also
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an argument that opposes it. From my perspective, I consider that
science
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should pay more attention to
people
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's lives and try to improve them.
To begin
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with, if
science
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paid attention to medical qualities and improved them,
then
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diseases would be reduced worldwide.
Furthermore
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, it could bring many solutions to enhance the capabilities of medicines.
For instance
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, a study demonstrates that 68 per cent of
people
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who are obese need to get healthier and lose weight.
Besides
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, if
science
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focuses on medical qualities,
then
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it will probably reduce the capability of disease to spread all over the world. Another point to consider is that many countries today have a lot of air pollution.
Moreover
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, it causes citizen sickness and trees to die all over the world.
However
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, if cities can not fix it,
then
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science
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should do it.
Nonetheless
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, there are many ways that
science
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could teach
people
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to reduce pollution via their studying;
for example
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, schooling can add more extra subjects on
science
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pollution and give knowledge to students, and they will have the information to deal with
such
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a thing.
To sum up
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, everything that has been stated so far, despite
people
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having different views, I believe
science
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actively demonstrates that it enhances human lives in many ways,
such
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as paying attention to medical qualities and increasing their effects.
On the other hand
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, focusing on human learning and Developing its quality.
Submitted by ferasmirza11 on

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task achievement
While the essay introduces the main topic effectively, there is room for more nuanced exploration of opposing views. Consider elaborating on the counterarguments to strengthen your position or acknowledging potential limitations in your own perspective to provide a more balanced discussion.
task achievement
Ensure the examples provided directly support your argument and are specific enough to illustrate your points clearly. Expanding on the examples mentioned, such as detailing how scientific improvements specifically reduce global diseases or how educational initiatives can decrease pollution, would enhance clarity and relevance.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating smoother transitions between points to maintain the flow of the argument. Using transitional phrases more effectively can help in guiding the reader through your thought process seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion restates the main idea well, but consider summarizing the supporting points more explicitly to reinforce the argument. This will leave a lasting impression and effectively encapsulate the discourse.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states the writer's stance and sets the stage for the discussion, engaging the reader from the outset.
logical structure
The essay maintains a logical structure, with clear main points and supporting arguments.
supported main points
The main points discussed, such as the focus on medical advancements and pollution control, are relevant to the topic and provide a solid foundation for the argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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