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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Most countries aim to improve their standard of living through economic development, but many important social values can be lost as a result. Do the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages?

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Living in a great
country
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 with advanced economic development is a dream for every citizen,
although
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 the social value of adaptation and living together might be lost in
this
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country
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. Some
people
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 opposed
this
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, but I believe improving the
country
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's economic standard is crucial and advantageous for several reasons. On one hand, the first reason the advantages outweigh the drawbacks of loss of social value to enhance economic standards is increasing the economy of a
country
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 created a good label of our
country
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 as an economic sector, which allowed developed countries to invest in our
country
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.
As a result
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, citizens have an opportunity to get a better job with a higher income.
For Example
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, export-import cooperation of good commodities between Indonesia and China in 2015 increased around 20% the number of Indonesian workers working in China.
On the other hand
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, upgraded
country
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 economics encouraged
people
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 to have a better quality of
life
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.
However
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,
people
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 more to spend
time
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 in the office because they have many responsibilities to finish, and they prefer to finish that first because they can get extra pay, which they able to provide their family with a better
life
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, in economics and education aspects.
For instance
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, research in Europe found that the majority of employee argue that 24 hours per day is not enough, because most of their
time
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 to work, and limited
time
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 to spend on their social
life
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.
Moreover
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, most
of
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apply
show examples
people
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 agree that having limited
time
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 for social
life
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 is reasonable, as long as they have a stable economic
life
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. In Conclusion, improving the living standard of the
country
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 is essential for the
people
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, even though the
people
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 are less sensitive about social values. Improving economic development has the advantage of opening more job opportunities and enhancing
people
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's living level.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical flow of your ideas. Ensure that each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next and that there's a clear connection between points.
Task Achievement
While you have supported your arguments with examples, make sure they clearly align with your main ideas. This will improve the clarity of your arguments.
Task Achievement
Try to elaborate more on your points to present a deeper and more comprehensive discussion on the topic.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-presented, providing a clear start and summary to your essay.
Task Achievement
You provide a complete response to the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of economic development.
Task Achievement
You effectively use examples to support your main ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • economic development
  • quality of life
  • infrastructure
  • healthcare
  • education
  • job opportunities
  • unemployment
  • poverty
  • technological advancements
  • innovation
  • traditional cultural values
  • social bonds
  • material wealth
  • consumerism
  • social inequality
  • environmental conservation
  • wealth gap
  • vulnerable groups
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