IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The government should invest in education and health care. Governments should invest these funds in tourism. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The topic of government investment has become a major debate in recent years. Some people argue that the funds should be invested in
tourism
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of
education
Use synonyms
 and
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, I totally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement.
This
Linking Words
 essay will clarify my point of view. Is it obvious that
education
Use synonyms
 and
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
 are a priority for every nation
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 And the government should invest even more in
this
Linking Words
 matter. Because without a good quality schooling
system
Use synonyms
 and hospitals. There will be no development.
For example
Linking Words
, we can see
this
Linking Words
 picture in many countries that
did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 not pay attention to the school
system
Use synonyms
 like India. A lot of people suffer there and die
due to
Linking Words
 lacking hospital facilities and a poor school
system
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I do believe if we want a wonderful future we need to focus on fundamental things first
such
Linking Words
 as learning and having access to
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
tourism
Use synonyms
 is clearly essential for the country's economic growth. There is no doubt in
this
Linking Words
 matter.
However
Linking Words
, I do not agree that money should be spent more on
tourism
Use synonyms
 than
education
Use synonyms
 and hospitals.
moreover
Linking Words
, there will be no visitors if our country has no great
system
Use synonyms
 of
health
Use synonyms
 and schooling services. Because the country will be poor if there are no qualified employees.
For instance
Linking Words
, a study has been conducted at Yale University about the number of tourists who visit India, and they found that only 17% visit India every year owing to their poor
education
Use synonyms
 and healthcare facilities. In conclusion, funding to
atracts
Correct your spelling
attract
tavellers
Correct your spelling
travellers
 is crucial. But, it seems to me that without a good
education
Use synonyms
 and
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
 there will be no benefit from
tourism
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Consider developing the essay further by providing more detailed examples or evidence to strengthen your points. This will enhance the persuasiveness of your argument and demonstrate a deeper engagement with the topic.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving sentence variety, as the essay currently relies on a few basic structures. Using more varied and complex sentences can make your writing more engaging and sophisticated.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively used to set up and wrap up the argument, creating a clear overall structure.
task achievement
You have effectively expressed a clear position on the topic and have maintained this stance throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with logically ordered points, making it easy for the reader to follow the argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Investment: capital allocation towards a sector, often for development or improvement.
  • Long-term economic growth: sustainable increase in a country’s economic productivity over an extended period.
  • Knowledgeable workforce: employees who are well-educated and trained, capable of driving innovation.
  • Healthcare services: medical services, including prevention, treatment, and management of illnesses.
  • Economic sustainability: responsible management of resources to ensure long-term economic health.
  • Tourism: industry focusing on travel for leisure, which contributes to a nation's economic revenue.
  • External factors: variables outside of a country's control that can impact its economy or sectors.
  • Foundation: the base or groundwork upon which further development can be built.
  • Societal welfare: the well-being of a community in terms of health, education, and economic conditions.
  • Social equity: fairness and equality in access to opportunities and resources within a society.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: