IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this

#countries #people #work #travel #year #school #university #studies
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Nowadays, many people in different countries
encourag
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encourage
 students after finishing high school to take
one
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year
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 as a break to travel or
work
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befor
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before
 starting university studies. I firmly believe that
Correct article usage
the idea
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idea it's
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idea's
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 benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
Howerver
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However
, in
this
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 essay, I will discuss the advantages and disadvantages
for
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of
show examples
this
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 topic. On the
one
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 hand, deciding to take
one
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year
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 after high school by youth could be a big decision, but it can have
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 impact on them,
thus
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 they will have a little bit of experience in life. Travel can teach them a lot. They will discover new
culture
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cultures
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 and build a good social life as they will communicate with others. The same as
work
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, they will know more about
work
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 life and how it will be after
graduate
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graduating
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 from college.
For example
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, after I finished high school, I
decieded
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decided
 to be a doctor. before
stating
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starting
show examples
 on
this
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 field, I took a
year
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 as a break to travel. In my
journey
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journey,
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 I discover that I love to know more about cultures and different languages.
however
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,
after
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this
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Add a comma
yeas,
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yeas
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year
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 I started to learn languages
on
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at
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 university.
On the other hand
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, it is a big challenge to stop studying for
one
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year
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, many will argue
that is
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 wasting of time,
also
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 they may be late
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their colleagues.
Furthermore
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, many of them will not
using
Wrong verb form
be used
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this
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year
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 as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 should
to be
Verb problem
apply
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.
For instance
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, they can
set
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sit
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 at home doing nothing,
of
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or
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 they will not find the right job for them and it will
distacted
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distracted
distract
 them. They
also
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 can
decied
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decide
decided
 not
continue
Fix the infinitive
to continue
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 their studies and stay at their
work
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.
Therefore
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, before
take
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taking
show examples
this
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 step they need to plan it
to
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so as to
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not wasting
Verb problem
waste
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 time. In conclusion, stop studying for
one
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year
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,
this
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 decision can
has
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have
show examples
 several advantages but
also
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 it can
infulance
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influence
 badly on them. I believe if the person can time utilization in the right way, he will not lose anything and will continue his career happily
after
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this
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 experience.
Submitted by daliaakram35 on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of ideas by better organizing paragraphs and ensuring smoother transitions between points.
introduction conclusion
Provide a clearer introduction to outline the main points that will be covered in the essay.
supported main points
Make sure to thoroughly support and explain each main point with specific examples and elaboration.
complete response
Address the task prompt more directly by ensuring all parts of the question are fully addressed.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify some of the points made to ensure they are easily comprehensible and linked clearly to the main argument.
introduction conclusion
The essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion which help frame the topic.
complete response
The topic of taking a gap year before university is explored from both positive and negative perspectives.
relevant specific examples
Personal anecdote adds a personal touch and provides an example to support the advantages mentioned.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural immersion
  • Life experience
  • Work ethic
  • Career readiness
  • Self-discovery
  • Delayed gratification
  • Intellectual stagnation
  • Financial implications
  • Social dynamics
  • Academic trajectory
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