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Band 8

Some people think that it is better to build more public parks and sports facilities in new town rather shopping malls. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #parks #sports #facilities #town #malls
In the contemporary era of globalization, the entertainment field has witnessed a substantial transformation by offering new facilities. A wide range of individuals believes it will be beneficial to construct playgrounds and sports
clubs
, rather than building mall centers. I wholeheartedly agree with
this
 statement.
To begin
 with, public gardens can play a crucial role in enhancing our offspring's personalities. They will interact with children of the same age.
This
 interaction will make them able to communicate with others over time.
Moreover
, sports areas assisted youngsters to spend their spare time playing.
This
 is reflected in their physical and mental health. They exploited these places to search for their hopes, improve connections and make new friends.
According to
 a study conducted by Manchester University, sports
clubs
 in England, elevated the bonds among individuals. They are more united than past and aware of each other.
However
, shopping centres have a profitable benefit. It can finance the city with money.
This
 money can be utilised to ameliorate infrastructures and facilities.
Additionally
, it can afford more job opportunities for youths. Despite understanding
this
 point of view, I cannot agree with it. Facilities have a pivotal impact on our culture. It can bold the connections among societies.
This
 will reflect on our identity. In his book,
Clubs
 and Community, Wayne Rooney highlighted that family and peers who spend more time in
clubs
, their bonds are robust. In conclusion, from what has been aforementioned above, the government should have a significant impact on the argument. It should make more areas with pioneer design.
This
 will increase satisfaction between people. The productivity and economy will increase.
Submitted by mohannadsme on

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coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between paragraphs for a smoother transition. Ensure that each paragraph naturally leads to the next to strengthen coherence.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or data to support the arguments, such as specific cities where parks improved community health or where malls boosted the local economy.
introduction conclusion present
Strong introduction and conclusion that effectively frame the argument.
complete response
Clear support for the argument that public parks and sports facilities are more beneficial than shopping malls.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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