IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries, a small number of people earn extremely high salaries. Some people believe that this is good for the country, but others think that governments should not allow salaries above a certain level. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#countries #people #salaries #country #governments #level
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In numerous nations, a minority of individuals can receive exceptionally high wages. Many people agree that
this
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 can bring about various benefits for the
country
Use synonyms
.
However
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, others completely oppose
this
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 view and claim that governments should refrain
the
Change preposition
from the
show examples
 pay scale at a defined level. From my perspective, I firmly agree with the former opinion.
This
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 essay will elaborate on these two
judgemnet
Correct your spelling
judgments
,
along with
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 the rationale behind the answer. To commence with,
countries
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 will definitely receive a wide range of benefits if they set high
salaries
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 for employees
in particular
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 aspects. Because, it is
apparently
Change the word
apparent
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 that income
play
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plays
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 a significant role in
people
Change noun form
people's
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 life, which
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 them able to afford the cost of living.
Therefore
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, substantial incomes will encourage people to devote themselves to the development of the
countries
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
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,
countries
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 that provide elevated
salaries
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 will attract high-quality
talents
Fix the agreement mistake
talent
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.
Therefore
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, thanks to the professional workforce, the productivity of industry, technology,
infrastructure
Correct word choice
and infrastructure
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 will be improved, which can
driven
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drive
show examples
 the
country
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 to thrive. One prevalent
examples
Change to a singular noun
example
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 is that almost developed
countries
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 tend to pay their employees working in important
domain
Fix the agreement mistake
domains
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such
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 as science,
technology
Correct word choice
and technology
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 with exorbitant wages. Moving to the second school of thought, implementing
maximum
Correct article usage
a maximum
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 wage limit
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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 more negative
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
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 than positive.
Eventhough
Correct your spelling
Even
,
restricting
Correct word choice
though restricting
show examples
salaries
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 at a certain point can
narrower
Replace the word
narrow
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 the income disparities, which can reduce the cost of living,
alleviate
Correct word choice
and alleviate
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 the financial pressure for inhabitants. The drawbacks of
this
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 idea for the
country
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 explicit. The brain drain phenomenon will happen when the
country
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 can meet the demand of workers in
salaries
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, which can boost them to migrate to
countries
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 which offer well-paid jobs.
As a result
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,
countries
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 that lack
of
Remove the preposition
apply
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highly skilled
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
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 will unlikely to thrive
at
Change preposition
in
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economy
Add an article
the economy
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, or even drive
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society to the edge of obsolete. In conclusion, I believe that the prosperity of a
nations
Fix the agreement mistake
nation
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 hinges on how the governments treat their talents. The higher the compensation, the more it propels
nation
Replace the word
national
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 development.
As individuals
Correct word choice
Individuals
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 are inherently motivated by financial rewards that reflect their efforts.
Submitted by elsenglish16992 on

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coherence cohesion
Expand on the current structure by more clearly organizing each point into separate paragraphs. This will enhance the logical structure and make the essay easier to follow.
task achievement
Try to improve the clarity of your main points and arguments by using more connecting words and phrases. This will help achieve clearer and more comprehensive ideas.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear and balanced discussion of both views and presents a personal opinion effectively in the introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Good use of relevant examples to support main points, such as the mention of brain drain and the impact of high salaries in developed countries.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • incentivize
  • discrepancy
  • inequality
  • social cohesion
  • equitable distribution
  • wealth concentration
  • talent retention
  • global competitiveness
  • social unrest
  • innovate
  • government intervention
  • salary cap
What to do next:
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