IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries, a small number of people earn extremely high salaries. Some people believe that this is good for the country, but others think that governments should not allow salaries above a certain level. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#countries #people #salaries #country #governments #level
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In numerous nations, a minority of individuals can receive exceptionally high wages. Many people agree that
this
 can bring about various benefits for the
country
.
However
, others completely oppose
this
 view and claim that governments should refrain
the
Change preposition
from the
show examples
 pay scale at a defined level. From my perspective, I firmly agree with the former opinion.
This
 essay will elaborate on these two
judgemnet
Correct your spelling
judgments
,
along with
 the rationale behind the answer. To commence with,
countries
 will definitely receive a wide range of benefits if they set high
salaries
 for employees
in particular
 aspects. Because, it is
apparently
Change the word
apparent
show examples
 that income
play
Change the verb form
plays
show examples
 a significant role in
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 life, which
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 them able to afford the cost of living.
Therefore
, substantial incomes will encourage people to devote themselves to the development of the
countries
.
Furthermore
,
countries
 that provide elevated
salaries
 will attract high-quality
talents
Fix the agreement mistake
talent
show examples
.
Therefore
, thanks to the professional workforce, the productivity of industry, technology,
infrastructure
Correct word choice
and infrastructure
show examples
 will be improved, which can
driven
Change the verb form
drive
show examples
 the
country
 to thrive. One prevalent
examples
Change to a singular noun
example
show examples
 is that almost developed
countries
 tend to pay their employees working in important
domain
Fix the agreement mistake
domains
show examples
such
 as science,
technology
Correct word choice
and technology
show examples
 with exorbitant wages. Moving to the second school of thought, implementing
maximum
Correct article usage
a maximum
show examples
 wage limit
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 more negative
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
show examples
 than positive.
Eventhough
Correct your spelling
Even
,
restricting
Correct word choice
though restricting
show examples
salaries
 at a certain point can
narrower
Replace the word
narrow
show examples
 the income disparities, which can reduce the cost of living,
alleviate
Correct word choice
and alleviate
show examples
 the financial pressure for inhabitants. The drawbacks of
this
 idea for the
country
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 explicit. The brain drain phenomenon will happen when the
country
 can meet the demand of workers in
salaries
, which can boost them to migrate to
countries
 which offer well-paid jobs.
As a result
,
countries
 that lack
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
highly skilled
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 will unlikely to thrive
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
, or even drive
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society to the edge of obsolete. In conclusion, I believe that the prosperity of a
nations
Fix the agreement mistake
nation
show examples
 hinges on how the governments treat their talents. The higher the compensation, the more it propels
nation
Replace the word
national
show examples
 development.
As individuals
Correct word choice
Individuals
show examples
 are inherently motivated by financial rewards that reflect their efforts.
Submitted by elsenglish16992 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Expand on the current structure by more clearly organizing each point into separate paragraphs. This will enhance the logical structure and make the essay easier to follow.
task achievement
Try to improve the clarity of your main points and arguments by using more connecting words and phrases. This will help achieve clearer and more comprehensive ideas.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear and balanced discussion of both views and presents a personal opinion effectively in the introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Good use of relevant examples to support main points, such as the mention of brain drain and the impact of high salaries in developed countries.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • incentivize
  • discrepancy
  • inequality
  • social cohesion
  • equitable distribution
  • wealth concentration
  • talent retention
  • global competitiveness
  • social unrest
  • innovate
  • government intervention
  • salary cap
What to do next:
Look at other essays: