IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that men and ươmen have different qualities, therefore certain jobs are suitable for men and others for women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #men #ươmen #qualities #jobs #women
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In contemporary society, the question of whether certain jobs are more suitable for men or
women
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 remains a topic of debate.
While
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 some argue that inherent
gender
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 differences lead to distinct qualities, I believe that individual abilities and interests should guide career choices, rather than rigid
gender
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 stereotypes.
Firstly
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, it is essential to recognize that men and
women
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 exhibit a wide range of abilities.
While
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 physical strength might
favor
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favour
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 men in certain physically demanding jobs like mining or mechanics, it is crucial to avoid generalizations.
Women
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 have consistently demonstrated their competence in various fields, including science, technology, and leadership roles.
For instance
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,
women
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 have excelled in medicine, education, and creative professions, challenging the notion that certain jobs are inherently
gender
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-specific.
Secondly
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, social and cultural factors play a significant role in shaping occupational preferences. Historically,
gender
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 norms have influenced career decisions, leading to occupational segregation.
However
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, as societies evolve, these norms are gradually shifting. Encouraging equal opportunities and dismantling biases can help individuals pursue careers based on their interests and abilities rather than predefined
gender
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 roles.
Furthermore
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, diversity benefits workplaces. A mix of perspectives, skills, and experiences enhances creativity, problem-solving, and innovation. By breaking down
gender
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-based barriers, organizations can tap into a broader talent pool, fostering a more inclusive and dynamic work environment. In conclusion,
while
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 acknowledging that biological differences exist, I firmly believe that individual aptitude and passion should guide career choices. Encouraging everyone, regardless of
gender
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, to pursue their interests and talents will lead to a more equitable and prosperous society.
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task achievement
To enhance task response, ensure that each argument directly supports your stance on the topic. Presenting specific examples from a variety of fields strengthens your argument. Consider incorporating more detailed examples or statistics to further solidify your stance.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay flows well with a clear logical structure. To improve, consider varying your transitional phrases to ensure smoother connections between ideas. Additionally, incorporating more complex sentence structures can enhance readability and showcase language proficiency.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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