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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The table below shows information about the population of New Zealand from 2011 to 2012 by age group.

The table below shows information about the population of New Zealand from 2011 to 2012 by age group.
#information #population #zealand #age #group
The given table shows the information about the population of New Zealand in two different aspects: numbers and percentage changes, broken down into four different
age
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 from 2011 to 2012.
Overall
, it can be clearly observed that the majority of
New
Correct article usage
the New
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zealand
Change the capitalization
Zealand
show examples
populations
Fix the agreement mistake
population
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 were primarily
aldolescents
Correct your spelling
adolescents
adolescent
 and young adults,
whereas
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the minority
were include
Wrong verb form
included
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 children and
Correct article usage
the elderlys
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elderlys
Correct your spelling
elderly
elderlies
.
However
, it is interesting to note that the seniors with
age
 above 65 experienced
largest
Correct article usage
the largest
show examples
 growth over a year.
To begin
 with, a closer look at the table
report
Correct subject-verb agreement
reports
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 that figures
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 each
demographics
Fix the agreement mistake
demographic
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 had similar trends on average in both years. It is noticeable that in 2011, at roughly 1.577 million
peoples
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people
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,
citizen
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citizens
show examples
age
Wrong verb form
aged
show examples
 15-39
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the highest number among
Correct article usage
the other
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other
Change the wording
another age group
other age groups
show examples
age
 group, followed by those
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
age
Wrong verb form
aged
show examples
 40-64 at 1.331 and under 15 at 0.898 million people. Surprisingly, a year later in 2012, the trends of populations were alike with some minor rise and fall.
While
 those under 15 and 15-39 underwent
Correct article usage
a slighy
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slighy
Correct your spelling
slightly
slight
dropped
Replace the word
drop
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 of 2-3
thousands peoples
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thousand people
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 in 2012,
others group
Fix the agreement mistake
other groups
show examples
 and
overall
 figures were on the rise. With regards to percentage changes, citizens
age
Wrong verb form
aged
show examples
 above 65
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 increase
up
Change preposition
of up
show examples
 to 4%.
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 88%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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