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Writing Samples
Band 6

The following two pie charts give the results of a survey into the popularity of various leisure activities among European adults in 1985 and 1995. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The following two pie charts give the results of a survey into the popularity of various leisure activities among European adults in 1985 and 1995. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The pie charts illustrate a survey result about what activities
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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European
adults
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 did during their free time in 1985 and 1995.
Overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it can be seen that
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 in the given period enjoyed watching TV the most. In 1985, Most
adults
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 spent their time
to watch
Change the verb form
watching

To watch doesn’t seem to work here.

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 TV which accounted for almost one-third of the share.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 interacting with friends and eating out accounted
more
Change preposition
for more

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 than 20%. Approximately 18% of
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 chose to talk with family members during leisure time. Meanwhile, 6% of
adults
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 did other activities. In 1995, the number of
adults
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 who watched TV decreased slightly, but it remained the most popular activity with 30% of
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, around a quarter of
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 played computer games (27%) and ate at a
restaurants
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurant

It seems that restaurants may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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/cafe (26%). The
amount
Change the quantifier
number

It appears that the quantifier The amount does not fit with the countable noun adults. Consider changing the quantifier or the noun.

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 of
adults
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 who talked to families dropped to only 8% and only 2% of
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 had other activities.

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words adults, people with synonyms.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Pie charts
  • Leisure activities
  • European adults
  • Survey results
  • Popularity
  • Comparison
  • Ten-year period
  • Walking
  • Cycling
  • Increase/Decrease
  • Percentage
  • Popularity shift
  • Team sports
  • Solitary activities
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