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Band 6.5

Doctors in many countries are saying that people are not getting enough physical exercise. What are the causes of this? How can it be addressed?

#doctors #countries #people #exercise
There has been much discussion revolving around the issue of whether
people
 get enough physical exercise. In
this
 essay, I will explain why it is essential to do at least some kind of
movements
Fix the agreement mistake
movement
show examples
 every day to live a healthy life.
Firstly
, most
people
 these days are required to sit or stay in one place during their job. Whether it is an office job, where workers sit at their
desk
Fix the agreement mistake
desks
show examples
 all day and stay very close to their screens or whether it is a doctor performing a surgery for long hours and being very concentrated and probably bent over all the time. The tension
that is
 felt in their muscles is not healthy if later it is not released or massaged.
As a consequence
, these
people
 face numerous health problems that can change their lives for the worse. To address
this
 issue there are some actions that can be taken. The workplace that has
a
Correct article usage
apply
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sedentary work should provide their members with a free gym membership.
Therefore
,
people
 would not have to worry about paying extra to put some exercise in and could just go train after work for at least half an hour.
This
 solution would make a big change in
people
’s lives and would definitely reduce the number of health problems that occur because of sedentary lifestyles.
To sum up
, varied reasons have given rise to,
thus
Correct your spelling
this
show examples
 I firmly believe steps
such
 as free gym memberships must be taken to tackle the worrisome situation of
people
 not getting enough physical exercise.
Submitted by oimigle on

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task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples or statistical evidence to strengthen your argument about the causes and solutions of insufficient exercise.
task achievement
Try to elaborate more on your proposed solution, such as how companies can implement free gym memberships or alternative solutions like creating walk-friendly office spaces.
coherence cohesion
Include smoother transitions between different ideas and paragraphs to guide your reader more effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with a good introduction and conclusion that frames the argument well.
task achievement
Main points are well-supported and logical. The essay addresses causes and provides a solution effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Get your IELTS Essential Vocabulary List —
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • digital entertainment
  • physical inactivity
  • recreational facilities
  • modern conveniences
  • remote work
  • high stress levels
  • streaming services
  • video games
  • social media
  • physical activity
  • accessibility
  • public awareness campaigns
  • health benefits
  • habit formation
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