IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries, more and more women have full-time jobs as men. There is a logic that they should share the housework equally with men. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #women #jobs #men #logic #housework
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these days, working is so varied from the prior
time
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 owing to the fact that we can see most women
work
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 the same as men, so a group of people believe that
housework
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 has to be divided equally between
both
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 sexes. I subscribe to
this
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 idea inasmuch as women earn money the same as the males;
moreover
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, when females do
both
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work
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 and
housework
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, they have a negative effect on their efficiency. On the one hand, Nowadays,
both
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 genders have the same incomes;
additionally
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, they spend the same
time
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 on their
work
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;
as a result
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, they have to do
housework
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 the same ;
furthermore
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, when the just men
work
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, the women have to do
housework
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; in fact, it is her career ,and she has to earn their income from the manager who is the men.
On the other hand
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, if the whole of doing
housework
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 by the female who is an employee full-
time
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, her energy becomes less over the period of
time
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In other words
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, the genders who do not only do
housework
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 but
also
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work
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 at the office feel tired and cannot
work
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 the same as the previous
time
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 with high yield;
consequently
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, they have two choices:
firstly
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, leave their job for spending all
time
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 for their house,
Secondly
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, they divorce to follow their occupation and do less
housework
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.
To sum up
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, In my opinion, it is really important that
both
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 workers who live in the same place do their
housework
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 with each other on account of the fact that
both
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 of them spend the same
time
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 and earn the same money.
In addition
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, if one of them doing
housework
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,
this
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 factor has negative consequences.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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vocabulary
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas. Avoid repeating the same phrases and words.
task achievement
Support your arguments with more specific examples. This will help in strengthening your essay and make your points clearer.
grammar
Be cautious of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that can detract from your overall message.
task achievement
You address the topic directly and present a clear position that both genders should share housework equally.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay is well-organized with clear introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You effectively link the issue of shared housework with women's workplace efficiency and personal choices.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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