IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries, more and more women have full-time jobs as men. There is a logic that they should share the housework equally with men. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #women #jobs #men #logic #housework
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
these days, working is so varied from the prior
time
 owing to the fact that we can see most women
work
 the same as men, so a group of people believe that
housework
 has to be divided equally between
both
 sexes. I subscribe to
this
 idea inasmuch as women earn money the same as the males;
moreover
, when females do
both
work
 and
housework
, they have a negative effect on their efficiency. On the one hand, Nowadays,
both
 genders have the same incomes;
additionally
, they spend the same
time
 on their
work
;
as a result
, they have to do
housework
 the same ;
furthermore
, when the just men
work
, the women have to do
housework
; in fact, it is her career ,and she has to earn their income from the manager who is the men.
On the other hand
, if the whole of doing
housework
 by the female who is an employee full-
time
, her energy becomes less over the period of
time
In other words
, the genders who do not only do
housework
 but
also
work
 at the office feel tired and cannot
work
 the same as the previous
time
 with high yield;
consequently
, they have two choices:
firstly
, leave their job for spending all
time
 for their house,
Secondly
, they divorce to follow their occupation and do less
housework
.
To sum up
, In my opinion, it is really important that
both
 workers who live in the same place do their
housework
 with each other on account of the fact that
both
 of them spend the same
time
 and earn the same money.
In addition
, if one of them doing
housework
,
this
 factor has negative consequences.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

vocabulary
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas. Avoid repeating the same phrases and words.
task achievement
Support your arguments with more specific examples. This will help in strengthening your essay and make your points clearer.
grammar
Be cautious of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that can detract from your overall message.
task achievement
You address the topic directly and present a clear position that both genders should share housework equally.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay is well-organized with clear introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You effectively link the issue of shared housework with women's workplace efficiency and personal choices.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: