IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Themgraph says average expenditure of weekly onvoc e in consumer goofd

#themgraph #expenditure #onvoc #e #consumer #goofd
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This
 horizontal line graph illustrates the average expenditure of families
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 different items from their weekly
income
 in two different years
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1964 and 2018.
Overall
,
Correct article usage
the costs
show examples
costs
Fix the agreement mistake
cost
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 of food was high and the charge of
accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
 was low compared to the two given years. Costs of personal
expenses
, transport and leisure increased compared to the past. People
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 35% of
money
Add an article
the money
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 from their weekly
income
 on food in the
year
of
Change preposition
apply
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1968, and in 2018, it reduced
signilficantly
Correct your spelling
significantly
 by 18%. For housing, people
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 10% of their
income
 in 1968, which increased by 19% in the
year
 of 2018. The
costs
Fix the agreement mistake
cost
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 of household goods was 8% of weekly
income
 which was the same in both years. In 2018, the
expenses
 of personal goods, transport and leisure increased compared to the
year
 of 1968.
However
, in the
year
 of 2018, the
expenses
 increased in these three areas. In 2018, the
expenses
 of these three items
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 below 10%
however
, in the
year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2018 all these
expenses
 increased.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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task achievement
Clarify how the comparison between the years support the main topic.
coherence cohesion
Introduce a more explicit conclusion to wrap up the comparison effectively.
task achievement
The introduction clearly presents the data being analyzed - expenditure on household items over different years.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear comparative analysis of the two different years, focusing on key expenditure areas.
coherence cohesion
There's a logical sequence in the presentation of data, which generally follows a clear order.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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