In many countries around the world young people decide to leave their parents’ home once they finish school. They start living on their own or sharing a house with friends. Is this a positive or a negative development?

#countries #world #people #parents’ #home #school #house #friends #development

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

These days, in some countries the

young

Correct word choice

younger

show examples

generations after finishing high school leave their families' houses to the sharing houses or live individually. In my opinion,

this

happening is a positive development owing to the fact that it is the best time for youth to learn to manage their

money

and to live in society. On the one hand, if young

people

leave their house after 18 years old, they apply for a range of job opportunities to earn

money

In other words

, working after graduating from high school teaches the young population to save their

money

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and the ways of spending

money

and so on. To illustrate, most young

people

invest their

money

in items that are really expensive or they do not need

while

when they have to spend their income, they fund their

money

on the essential factors that have good prices.

On the other hand

, it is important that young

people

leave their parents inasmuch as they learn some elements

such

as the ways of living in society, social behaviours, in real lives,

people

do not have access to a range of the facilities that they need, and the works that avoid them from committing crimes.

In addition

this

situation creates a chance for them to find the best way that they can improve the way that inhabitants.

To sum up

, in my view, leaving a family has a range of benefits like not only spending

money

on essential factors but

also

living in a society which aids young generations to make the best lives for themselves.

Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on Mon Oct 21 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

style

Try to maintain a consistent tone and avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeating ideas or phrases, introduce new supporting points or further elaborate on existing ones.

task achievement

Provide more specific and relevant examples to strengthen your arguments. This will make your response more convincing and relatable.

coherence cohesion

Ensure clarity by structuring your points clearly in each paragraph. Use topic sentences to introduce the main idea of each paragraph, followed by supporting sentences.

coherence cohesion

The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, summarizing the main points effectively.

coherence cohesion

Logical progression of ideas, with clear connections between the paragraphs, which helps to maintain a smooth flow throughout the essay.

task achievement

The essay addresses all parts of the question and provides a clear stance on the topic, making the task response complete.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

260 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

self-reliance
financial responsibility
social isolation
housing demand
personal growth
financial strain
problem-solving
decision-making skills
disrupt
support networks

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7
band
Details of politicians’ private lives should not be published in newspapers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Publishing politicians' personal lives in bulletins should be restricted according to some people. I completely agree because politicians not only pose a right to privacy but also could be dangerous for their relatives.
5
band
Some students decide early in life to pursue vocational careers that involve cooking or baking. For them, it is better to study their chosen occupations in high school rather than regular subjects. To what extend do you are or disagree?
With an extensive pressure of development of a career at an early age, some high school students started to pursue taking classes which are exclusively related to their future job, not following general curriculum. However, I firmly believe that they should prioritize schools’ curriculmn at all cost for their better choices of future plans.
7.5
band
New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?
In this present world, the usage of technology is constantly on the rise. This is the major trend not just for adults but also for children. All of the new developments have transformed our world into a better place. However, it has become an addiction to most of the offspring rather than a necessity, I believe that the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages. This will be proven by bringing up the topic of reduced social interaction and outdoor activities.
7
band
In some countries, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. what are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
In some nations, teenagers believe that diligence will bring many achievements they want. I am of the opinion that working hard to achieve has its advantages and disadvantages. I will shed light on the issues in the following essay.
4
band
To achieve personal happiness, the relationships we have with other people (friends, colleagues, family) are more essential than other thing. Issues like wealth and occupations take the second place. Write to support the claim.
The growing pressures of the money driven world we live in widely cause the gravitation towards material items. However, personal happiness is not achieved through things like work, wealth and success. Though these things may be attractive and coveted, it does not refute the fact that relationships with friends, colleagues, and family members are the genuine secrets to living happy. This will be proven by bringing up the topic of wealthy superstars who steadily live lonely lives and the advice from elderly people based on experience.

In many countries around the world young people decide to leave their parents’ home once they finish school. They start living on their own or sharing a house with friends. Is this a positive or a negative development?

Fully explain your ideas

Details of politicians’ private lives should not be published in newspapers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some students decide early in life to pursue vocational careers that involve cooking or baking. For them, it is better to study their chosen occupations in high school rather than regular subjects. To what extend do you are or disagree?

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

In some countries, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. what are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

To achieve personal happiness, the relationships we have with other people (friends, colleagues, family) are more essential than other thing. Issues like wealth and occupations take the second place. Write to support the claim.