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Band 6.5

Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest time of most people's lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibilities. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #years #time #lives #adult #life #happiness #spite #responsibilities
It is believed by some that the most enjoyable
time
 in persons' life is the
time
 when he is a teenager. I am convinced that despite all the responsibilities living as an
adult
 is much more better. In
this
 essay, I will introduce both sides
as well as
 state my own opinion.
Firstly
,
while
 you may have more responsibilities as an
adult
, you
also
 do not depend on other people.
For example
, you do not need to ask for money from your parents. In fact, often you will be able to build your own schedule as you want,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can lead to
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
better sleeping
Add a hyphen
better-sleeping
show examples
 routine.
This
 will defenetely positively affect your
overall
 happiness.
Secondly
, an
adult
 has much more opportunities in comparison to a teenager. Older people can travel all around the world or buy some things that are pretty expensive because they have access to bigger amount of money.
For instance
, my best friend was always dreaming about building a city from lego constructor, but he was unable to achieve it until he became
adult
 and started to work.
On the other hand
, during teenage years a
person
 usually has more energy. Because of it a
person
 can spend more
time
 partying or spend more
time
 on hobbies.
However
, it was not the same in my case. I needed to study and work to save enougth money and be able to follow my drem.
To conclude
, I believe that teenage years may be very enjoyable. At the same
time
 in my opinion as an
adult
Add a comma
adult,
show examples
 a
person
 can be much happier, because of the opportunities
this
person
 will have.
Submitted by isakov.iv1 on

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language
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and more complex sentence structures to enhance your essay quality.
accuracy
Make sure to proofread your essay to correct minor spelling errors such as 'defenetely', 'enougth', and 'drem'.
task achievement
You have effectively discussed both viewpoints and provided your own opinion, fulfilling the task requirements.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is structured well with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
Practical examples such as the story of your best friend add value and relevance to your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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