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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Image for topic: The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010.

Image for topic: The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010.
#image #topic #expenditure #two #countries #consumer #goods
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The bar chart illustrates the amount of
money
Use synonyms
 spent on five consumer products including cars, computers, books, perfume and
cameras
Use synonyms
 in two different
countries
Use synonyms
 (France and
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
) in the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2010. Units are measured in
pounds
Use synonyms
 sterling.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
UK
Use synonyms
 spent most of the
money
Use synonyms
 on consumer goods than France in the period of time. Both
countries
Use synonyms
 spent most of their
money
Use synonyms
 on Cars
whereas
Linking Words
 the least spent of
money
Use synonyms
 was
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 perfume in the
Use synonyms
Uk
Correct your spelling
UK
show examples
comapred
Correct your spelling
compared
 to
cameras
Use synonyms
 in France.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the significant difference in expenditure between
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
 was on
cameras
Use synonyms
. In terms of cars,
people
Correct article usage
the people
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the Uk
show examples
Uk
Correct your spelling
UK
show examples
 spent around 450,000
pound
Change to a plural noun
pounds
show examples
 on
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 as opposed to the French at 350,000
pounds
Use synonyms
.
Similarly
Linking Words
 , The
british
Change the capitalization
British
show examples
 was higher on books than
French
Correct article usage
the French
show examples
 (around 400,000
pounds
Use synonyms
 and 300,000
pound
Change to a plural noun
pounds
show examples
 respectively). In the
UK
Use synonyms
, expenditure on
cameras
Use synonyms
 was double (350,000
pounds
Use synonyms
) than the amount spent in
French
Replace the word
France
show examples
 (150,000
pounds
Use synonyms
)
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , the amount of
money
Use synonyms
 paid for the remaining products was higher in
French
Replace the word
France
show examples
. Above 350,000
pounds
Use synonyms
 was spent by the
french
Capitalize word
French
show examples
 on computers which was slightly more than
British
Correct article usage
the British
show examples
 who spent exactly 350,000
pounds
Use synonyms
. Neither of the
countries
Use synonyms
 spent much on perfume which accounted for 200,000
pounds
Use synonyms
 of expenditure in French but under 150,000
pounds
Use synonyms
 in the
UK
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by rifataranawshin on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words money, cameras, countries, uk, pounds with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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