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Writing Samples
Band 6

The pie charts below show the percentage of five kinds of books sold by a bookseller between 1972 and 2012.

The pie charts below show the percentage of five kinds of books sold by a bookseller between 1972 and 2012.
#show #percentage #five #kinds #books #bookseller
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The pie chart gives information about the proportion of five different kinds of
books
Use synonyms
 sold by a bookseller between 1972 and 2012.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 both
Adult
Use synonyms
 and
children’s
Use synonyms
fiction
Use synonyms
 had an upward trend,
while
Linking Words
 Biography,
Travel
Use synonyms
 and Others had a downward trend.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, the greatest change belonged to the genre of
Adult
Use synonyms
fiction
Use synonyms
 over the period. In 1972,
Adult
Use synonyms
fiction
Use synonyms
,
children’s
Use synonyms
 and biography
books
Use synonyms
 had the same proportion, at 20%.
While
Linking Words
 Other
books
Use synonyms
 were the highest, at 25%,
travel
Use synonyms
books
Use synonyms
 were the lowest in
this
Linking Words
 category.From 1972 to 1992,
Adult
Use synonyms
fiction
Use synonyms
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased slightly, from 20% to 25%, became the highest.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
show examples
,
children’s
Use synonyms
fiction
Use synonyms
 and
travel
Use synonyms
books
Use synonyms
 were climbed, from 20% to 22% and from 15% to 18% respectively.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
books
Use synonyms
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased significantly, from 25% to 20% In 2012,
Adult
Use synonyms
fiction
Use synonyms
books
Use synonyms
 saw the greatest
changed
Replace the word
change
show examples
, from 25% to 45%.
In addition
Linking Words
,
children’s
Use synonyms
fiction
Use synonyms
books
Use synonyms
 were increased from 22% to 25%.
However
Linking Words
, Others and
travel
Use synonyms
books
Use synonyms
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased dramatically, from 20% to 12% and from 18% to 10% respectively.
Beside
Correct your spelling
Besides
show examples
, biography
books
Use synonyms
were fell
Change the verb form
fell
show examples
 from 15% to 8%,
became
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
 the lowest.
Submitted by midden-02.tore on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words books, adult, children’s, fiction, travel with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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