IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Spending money on luxury items or special occasions is very expensive. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#money #luxury #items #occasions
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In today’s world, many people believe that owning
luxury
items
 is a way to display their social status.
However
, spending money on these
items
 or special occasions can be very costly.
While
 buying expensive products can bring satisfaction and the thrill of owning exclusive
items
, there are significant downsides, including animal exploitation and the negative environmental impact of the
fashion
industry
. One major advantage of purchasing
luxury
items
 is the excitement and satisfaction people feel when acquiring their
favorite
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favourite
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 products. Many individuals find joy in owning unique and well-crafted
items
, especially because of their distinctive designs and high-quality materials.
Additionally
,
luxury
items
 are often produced in limited quantities, which makes them more desirable and gives collectors the thrill of owning rare or exclusive pieces.
However
, despite these benefits, the
fashion
industry
 has significant drawbacks. One major concern is the exploitation of animals to meet the demand for
luxury
 goods.
For instance
, many high-end products,
such
 as bags and shoes, are made from exotic animal skins like
snake
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snakes
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 or
crocodile
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crocodiles
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, which contributes to the endangerment of these species.
Moreover
, the production processes in the
fashion
industry
 are often harmful to the environment. The use of toxic chemicals and pollutants during manufacturing poses serious risks to both human health and ecosystems. In conclusion,
while
 purchasing
luxury
items
 may bring satisfaction and enjoyment to individuals, the negative consequences of animal exploitation and environmental harm cannot be ignored. It is important for the
fashion
industry
 to address these serious issues by using sustainable materials and reducing harmful production practices. Ultimately, the disadvantages of
luxury
 spending seem to outweigh the benefits when considering the broader impact on society and the planet.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
Expand on the introduction or body paragraphs to include more detailed examples or points, making the argument stronger.
task achievement
Try to address counterarguments in more detail to show a balanced perspective, enhancing the response depth.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which nicely frame the argument. This structure aids in guiding the reader smoothly from start to finish.
task achievement
The essay articulates clear, comprehensive ideas regarding both sides of the argument, effectively addressing the prompt. This clarity makes the position easy to understand.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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