IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In films and computer games violence has become more popular. Some people think this has negative effects on society, other think it is harmless relaxation. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

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In recent years, violence in films and
video
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games
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 has become increasingly widespread, igniting debate over its effects on society. Some individuals claim that exposure to violent content can provoke aggressive behaviour in real life and should be restricted,
while
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 others regard these forms of
media
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 as harmless relaxation and stress relief. From my perspective, though these concerns are understandable, rather than banning violent content, appropriate measures
such
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 as
age
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 restrictions and parental controls should be implemented. On one side, critics suggest that continuous exposure to
media
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 violence could desensitize individuals, especially children and teenagers, to real-life aggression. Constant immersion in violent
games
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 or films may normalize harmful behaviours, potentially triggering aggressive actions.
For example
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, a well-publicized case in Thailand involved a young boy who killed a pedestrian, later stating he had been influenced by a
video
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 game.
This
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 case illustrates the significant impact
such
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media
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 can have on impressionable young minds, leading to real-world consequences.
Conversely
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, supporters argue that films and
video
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games
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 serve as a valuable outlet for stress and frustration. These forms of entertainment provide individuals with a safe space to release emotions, offering an escape that can alleviate anxiety and tension. In fact, many
video
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games
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also
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 promote essential skills
such
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 as critical thinking, problem-solving, and moral reasoning, which can be applied in real-world scenarios. For many people, engaging with these virtual environments seems to act as a healthy way to decompress and unwind from the pressures of daily life. To mitigate potential risks, strategies like
age
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 restrictions and parental controls are likely more effective than outright bans.
Age
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 verification systems prevent children from accessing inappropriate content,
while
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 parental controls enable guardians to oversee and guide their children’s
media
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 consumption.
Additionally
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, educating parents on the importance of distinguishing between fantasy and reality could help young people develop a more responsible approach to violent
media
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. In conclusion,
although
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 violent
media
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 may raise concerns about its influence on behaviour, banning it entirely does not appear to be the most practical solution.
Instead
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, implementing regulations
such
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 as
age
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 restrictions and encouraging parental involvement offers a balanced approach, allowing these forms of entertainment to be enjoyed responsibly
while
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 minimizing potential harm.

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task achievement
While the essay addresses both perspectives and offers a clear opinion, it can be made more balanced by including more distinctions within the group supporting exposure to violent media.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a consistent flow, but transitions between some paragraphs could be smoother to enhance the overall coherence.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear structure with a strong introduction and conclusion, fully addressing the task.
task achievement
The argument is well-developed, providing specific examples and counterarguments that support the main points.
coherence cohesion
The essay effectively uses linking words and phrases to ensure a logical progression of ideas throughout the text.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • desensitize
  • aggressive behavior
  • glorify
  • artistic expression
  • pent-up emotions
  • media consumption
  • model for conflict resolution
  • fiction vs. reality
  • outlet for frustration
  • conclusive evidence
  • social influences
  • real-world aggression
  • interaction
  • imitation
  • controlled environment
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