Most countries aim to improve their standard of living through economic development, but many important social values can be lost as a result. Do the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages?
It is widely debated that it is vital for many nations to improve better quality of living for
its
people through economics, others argue that Correct pronoun usage
their
such
emphasis could contribute to the Linking Words
lost
of several essential social values. Replace the word
loss
Hence
, I personally agree with the former Linking Words
statment
as Correct your spelling
statement
this
can alleviate the highly intensive competition which in Linking Words
turns
Fix the agreement mistake
turn
of
will be elaborated on in Change preposition
apply
this
essay.
Linking Words
To begin
with, it seems sensible for some to believe that some social values might Linking Words
be vanished
Wrong verb form
vanish
due to
the growth of economics. Linking Words
This
is Linking Words
possibly
because we Replace the adverb
possible
lived
in a Wrong verb form
live
fiercely
fight of consumerism world in order to make Change the adverb
fierce
an
ends meet. In Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
this
sense, many might though that it gradually cultivated people to become more selfish.
Linking Words
However
, many opponents of Linking Words
this
idea Linking Words
along with
myself would Linking Words
opposed
that it can reduce the tension of people Change the verb form
oppose
be opposed
for
struggling to survive and leave some room for them to appreciate some social value like they used to as they have less worried about their basic standard Change preposition
apply
living
. To simply explain, Change preposition
of living
according to
Linking Words
maslow
theory when we obtain basic needs we Change the capitalization
Maslow
could
develop and Wrong verb form
can
then
proceed to pay attention to something more Linking Words
emtional
which is the key to Correct your spelling
emotional
maintain
social Wrong verb form
maintaining
value
like harmony and empathy toward others. Fix the agreement mistake
values
That is
why I believe that if they could become Linking Words
financial
independent they Change the word
financially
can
care for others.
In summary, Wrong verb form
could
although
it is undeniable that some social Linking Words
value
might be neglected Fix the agreement mistake
values
as a result
of financial focus from the governments, I am of the opinion that its Linking Words
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
outweight
its detrimental effects of creating Correct your spelling
outweigh
outweighs
selfishness
society.Replace the word
a selfish
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
grammar vocabulary
Ensure consistent and correct use of grammar and vocabulary throughout your essay to enhance clarity of arguments.
examples
Provide more specific examples or data to strengthen your argument and illustrate your points more effectively.
sentence clarity
Revise some sentences for better clarity and precision, as certain parts are difficult to understand.
structure
Make sure the introduction clearly outlines the main points that will be discussed, and the conclusion succinctly summarizes the arguments made.
balanced argument
The essay attempts to address both sides of the argument regarding economic development and social values.
introduction clarity
The introduction presents a clear stance favoring the economic-driven approach for improving standards of living.
supporting theory
Key concepts like Maslow's theory are introduced to support the argument, showcasing an effort to link ideas logically.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.