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Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays, more tasks at home and or are being performed by robots. Is this a negative or positive development?

#tasks #home #robots #development
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There is an increasing number of
people
 who utilize technology to do their household chores
instead
 of doing these tasks by hand. In my personal opinion,
this
 is a negative development since it can lead to laziness, lack of
job
 vacancies and less social interaction. One serious problem that can arise from
people
 using
robots
 for their housework is that it can make them lazy. Laziness is one of the issues in modern life which can have negative impacts, specifically on health.
For example
, before the
inventions
Fix the agreement mistake
invention
show examples
 of the washing machines and the sweeping
robots
,
people
 washed their clothes and swept and mopped the floor manually with their hands.
However
, in the present day, to clean their houses,
people
 only need to click the button and do not need to move their bodies.
As a result
, many patients suffer health problems because of a lack of movement in their daily lives. Another issue is that there will be a lack of
job
 vacancies caused by
this
 development.
In other words
, artificial
robots
 can threaten work variations since everything can be done by
robots
.
This
 is one of the concerns for nowadays generation whose
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 are limited as they do not need
human'
Change noun form
human
show examples
 energy.
For example
, in Indonesia, many families need house assistants to help them do household chores, but
this
job
 is threatened by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
robots
 now.
Finally
, socializing with others
also
 can be ended because of
this
 invention. The situations when
people
 only need
robots
 rather than humans to help their jobs limit them
to socialize
Change preposition
from socializing
show examples
 with others.
That is
 to say, there are no more community services or asking neighbours to assist them. Take a look at Java Island where the culture can help residents meet others
while
 they have work they can not do it individually, but now,
this
 tradition is omitted by technological development. In conclusion,
although
 technology become more popular for
people
 to help with their house jobs, it has brought about too many problems for
this
 to be considered a positive trend.
Submitted by nabilaintansari8 on

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task achievement
You have identified and discussed relevant main points effectively. Ensure to balance both sides of the argument more equally next time if the task requires it.
task achievement
Ensure consistency in argument presentation. Avoid potential overgeneralization. For instance, not all modern individuals become lazy due to technology.
coherence cohesion
Consider providing more transitional sentences between ideas to enhance the reading flow.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph contributes clearly and directly to your argument to maintain coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
Multiple relevant examples are provided to support the main points, like the use of household robots in Indonesia.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph has a distinct topic and contributes to the overall argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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