“Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cellphone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?”
Intro: Question, benefit, detriment, opinion
Body 1: Benefit: Protection, criminal activities >> Real life case related to terrorism
Body 2: Negative: Privacy >>
For instance
blackmail/threatened, speech
Conclusion: Disadvantage outweigh advantage
It is considered that the technological advance has provide us with many features, one of them is to track what people saying and doing. While
many has argued that it has positive aspect, there is a detriment that should be highligted. I personally disagree that this
feature in general could help the society.
The proponent of monitoring human activities mainly support the idea that this
feature is to provide safety within the community. Through looking at a suspected terrorist's cellphone, the police can check the person's activity and thus
could prevent any dangerous outcome. The real life case occurred a few years ago when Indonesia's authorities captured a potential suicide bomber which save numerous of lives.
On the other hand
, this
feature could also
be a breach of privacy. By tracking a person's gadget, an individual could find his secret and used it to blackmail him. This
case tend to be used in authoritarian countries, where the police were enabled to find the person and threatened him so he would not criticize government. For instance
, in Iran, the government prevented several social media accounts to be seens so these groups nor individuals could voice their concern.
In conclusion, while
overseeing the citizens through electronic devices can be beneficial to protect the community, it is a shame that this
situation could also
take people's freedom as their privacy is in the wrong hand. Thus
, the advantage outweigh the disadvantage.Submitted by auliahakim0001 on
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task achievement
Clarify your introduction by rephrasing it to state your opinion more clearly from the start. Though your stance is understood, a more direct statement of your opinion can enhance clarity.
task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph directly supports the conclusion you've reached, making it very clear why the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.
coherence cohesion
Connect the introduction and conclusion with more parallel terminology to form a stronger cohesive 'loop,' reinforcing your overall ending judgment with the beginning statement.
coherence cohesion
Enhance transitions between paragraphs to ensure smooth flow and avoid abrupt shifts in ideas.
task achievement
The essay clearly identifies both advantages and disadvantages of technology used for monitoring people, which is important for a balanced analysis.
task achievement
Examples provided, such as the case in Indonesia and Iran, strongly illustrate the points you make and and demonstrate depth of thought.
coherence cohesion
The structure is well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion which helps the reader follow your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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