The graph below gives information about the preferred leisure activities of Australian children. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown.

The graph below gives information about the preferred leisure activities of Australian children. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown.
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The given information compares the percentages of time
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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either
Correct word choice
apply

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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boys
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and
girls
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, who are between the
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages

It seems that age may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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5 to 14, spending their time doing some selected activities in their free, including five main categories. Generally, both genders enjoy time
spending
Replace the word
spent

The word spending doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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on all activities which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are

It seems that the verb is does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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shown watching TV or videos are more
perferable
Correct your spelling
preferable

If you don’t want perferable to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

among both of them
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma before the dependent clause marker while. Consider removing the comma.

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while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

skateboarding or rollerblading are less selected by
girls
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and
boys
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
According to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

the bar chart, watching TV or videos are the most popular
ones
Correct pronoun usage
one

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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which are in the same proportion
in
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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both of them
to
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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100
percent
Change the spelling
per cent

The spelling of percent is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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. The second activity is electronic and computer games which is apparent the percentage of
boys
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

participating is twice as high as
girls
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

which are 80 per
cent
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and 60 per
cent
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

respectively. Bike riding is the third
popular
Correct quantifier usage
most popular

It seems that quantifier use may be incorrect here.

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activity;
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the boys
show examples
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the boys

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
boys
Change noun form
boys'
boy's
show examples
proportion is just under 80 and
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the girls
show examples
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the girls

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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girls
Change noun form
girls'
girl's
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ratio
roughly
Add a missing verb
is roughly

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

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60 per
cent
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Skate boarding
Correct your spelling
Skateboarding

The word Skate boarding seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

show examples
and rollerblading are the less popular ones.
the
Capitalize word
The

The word the should be capitalized in this context.

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participation of
boys
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is almost 40 per
cent
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, whilst
girls
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are fewer participated in these activities which are just over 20 per
cent
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
In contrast
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

boys
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

,
girls
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are engaged in art and craft higher than
boys
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

; the
paticipation
Correct your spelling
participation

If you don’t want paticipation to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

of
girls
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is
virtualy
Correct your spelling
virtually

If you don’t want virtualy to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

60 per
cent
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

that of
boys
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is fewer by nearly twice.
Submitted by sahar.moti1994 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Vocabulary: Replace the words boys, girls, cent with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • leisure activities
  • popularity
  • participated
  • outdoor activities
  • electronic entertainment
  • gender differences
  • age trends
  • artistic activities
  • cultural trends
  • educational influence
  • group activities
  • individual activities
  • social skills
  • comparison over time
  • statistics
  • surprising findings
What to do next:
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