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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances andthe amount of time spent doing house work in households in one country between 1920 and 2019

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances andthe amount of time spent doing house work in households in one country between 1920 and 2019
#show #changes #ownership #appliances #andthe #amount #time #house #work #households #country
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The diagrams illustrate the
percentage
 of households with electrical
appliances
 that were washing
machine
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machines
show examples
,
refrigerator
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refrigerators
show examples
 and
vacuum
cleaner
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cleaners
show examples
 and the number of
hours
 that households did their
housework
 each
week
 in one country
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1920 to 2019.
Overall
, the
percentage
 of households who had had by electrical
appliances
 increased dramatically
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 each appliance,
however
, the amount of
doing
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
housework
decresed
Correct your spelling
decreased
 sharply in
period
Add an article
the period
show examples
. In 1920 the amount of using electrical
appliances
what
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 were washing
machine
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machines
show examples
,
vacuum
cleaner
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cleaners
show examples
 and
refrigerator
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refrigerators
show examples
 followed by 40%, 30% and zero
percentage
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 50
hours
housework
Change preposition
of housework
show examples
 in a
week
;
however
, there was a rise in all of these three
appliances
 in 1940 at 50% and 60% and a decline of
hours
 of
housework
 by almost 15% changes in 1920 to 1940. The consumption of
vacuum
cleaner
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cleaners
show examples
 went up rapidly from 1940 to 1980 at 100%.
On the other hand
, the
percentage
 of people who used
vacuum
cleaner
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cleaners
show examples
 grew sharply from 1940 to 2000 and consumption of both of these
appliances
 remained constant from 2000 to 2019. The amount of usage washing
machine
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machines
show examples
 experienced a fluctuation
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1940 to 2000 and
also
 after that rose minimally
while
 the number of
hours
 of
housework
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
each
week
 decreased steadily from 1940 to 2019
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 10
hours
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
week
.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, appliances, vacuum, hours, housework, week with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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