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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances andthe amount of time spent doing house work in households in one country between 1920 and 2019

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances andthe amount of time spent doing house work in households in one country between 1920 and 2019
#show #changes #ownership #appliances #andthe #amount #time #house #work #households #country
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The diagrams illustrate the
percentage
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 of households with electrical
appliances
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 that were washing
machine
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machines
show examples
,
refrigerator
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refrigerators
show examples
 and
vacuum
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cleaner
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cleaners
show examples
 and the number of
hours
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 that households did their
housework
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 each
week
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 in one country
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1920 to 2019.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
percentage
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 of households who had had by electrical
appliances
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 increased dramatically
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 each appliance,
however
Linking Words
, the amount of
doing
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
housework
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decresed
Correct your spelling
decreased
 sharply in
period
Add an article
the period
show examples
. In 1920 the amount of using electrical
appliances
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what
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 were washing
machine
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machines
show examples
,
vacuum
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cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
 and
refrigerator
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refrigerators
show examples
 followed by 40%, 30% and zero
percentage
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by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 50
hours
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Use synonyms
housework
Change preposition
of housework
show examples
 in a
week
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;
however
Linking Words
, there was a rise in all of these three
appliances
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 in 1940 at 50% and 60% and a decline of
hours
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 of
housework
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 by almost 15% changes in 1920 to 1940. The consumption of
vacuum
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cleaner
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cleaners
show examples
 went up rapidly from 1940 to 1980 at 100%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
percentage
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 of people who used
vacuum
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cleaner
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cleaners
show examples
 grew sharply from 1940 to 2000 and consumption of both of these
appliances
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 remained constant from 2000 to 2019. The amount of usage washing
machine
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machines
show examples
 experienced a fluctuation
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1940 to 2000 and
also
Linking Words
 after that rose minimally
while
Linking Words
 the number of
hours
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 of
housework
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in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
each
week
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 decreased steadily from 1940 to 2019
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 10
hours
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in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
week
Use synonyms
.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, appliances, vacuum, hours, housework, week with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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