Write about the following topic: Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child’s development while others think that it is important for children to go to school. Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some consider that homeschooling is the best option for
children
, others think kids need to experience the
school
environment.
According to
my own opinion,
children
need to go to
school
and enjoy its conditions.
This
essay will discuss the positive sides
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
both
opinion
Change to a plural noun
opinions
show examples
. First of all, it is a fact that
home
Change the article
a home
show examples
is a safe place for
children
, they feel absolutely comfortable and secure.
However
, the world itself is not so simple and carefree, in the future, those
children
might encounter difficult issues, which they will need to overcome in their adulthood life.
Thus
, gaining
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
knowledge of methods of solving problems is an essential lesson to learn.
Moreover
, going to
school
has several benefits and teaches vital points, including social skills, leadership, building strong friendships, research abilities
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
etc. To give an example, my nephew who used to be extremely shy and antisocial, turned into an
incredible
Change the word
incredibly
show examples
confident
kid
,
due to
the effects of
school
Add an article
the school
a school
show examples
environment.
On the other hand
,
school
Add an article
a school
the school
show examples
might include hard issues for
children
,
for instance
, bullying. Bullying will not be a problem if a
kid
is being homeschooled, since he/she will not be in the same room and will not experience the same conditions with other kids. I absolutely think,
although
Correct word choice
that although
show examples
children
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
are taught at home might learn the same materials
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
the kids at
school
, mentally and psychologically, they will not develop
similarly
. The advantage of homeschooling might be
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reduced bullying,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
there are other additional beneficial aspects of
school
. There are several examples that show the psychological difference between a homeschooled
kid
and a
kid
going to
school
.
To conclude
, both methods might have several advantages,
nevertheless
, experiencing the
school
environment, meeting new friends,
overcoming
Correct word choice
and overcoming
show examples
difficulties at
school
are so vital and will evolve a person's abilities.
Submitted by lalecelilbeyli2002 on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, try using more linking words to ensure a smoother transition between ideas and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Keep your thesis statement explicit in the introduction to clearly show your stance and guide the reader.
task achievement
While discussing the advantages of homeschooling, try to include more examples or details to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples, specifically the personal example of your nephew, which adds a personal touch and strengthens the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and effectively encapsulate the main points discussed in the essay.
task achievement
There's a balanced discussion of both perspectives, showing an understanding of the advantages of each approach.

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