IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Firstly
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, economic programs can be fundamental for
high
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a high
the high
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 standard of living and national competitiveness.
For example
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, when governments invest a massive budget in R&D and raise GDD through technological advances, they can expand social infrastructure
such
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 as rods or hospitals, which means that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people can enjoy convenient and
high quality
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high-quality
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 living.
Also
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 with sufficient scope of government funding, they can increase military power
such
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 as nuclear or satellite resources leading to higher political standing, with
thus
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, the people can benefit from strong national security.
Therefore
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, economic advancement can contribute to stable
societal
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society
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.
However
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,
other type
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another type
other types
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 of progress could be essential for social and political balance.
For instance
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,
While
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 providing extensive welfare
supports
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support
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 for low-income and other disadvantaged groups, we can reduce crime rates,
income
Correct word choice
and income
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gap
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gaps
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, and achieve effective redistribution of wealth.
In addition
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, through transparent democracy, social conflicts between different fractions and government corruption could be diminished, which is the most basic deciding factor for staying away from a war crisis, unfair taxation, or industrial collapse, that can shake the basis of the entire social system.
In other words
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, improved welfare and political practice could be related to satisfying
social
Correct article usage
the social
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 environment.
To sum up
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 ( I believe that, I think, In my view ), economic progress is more crucial for a country. Indeed, a balanced approach to government
political
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politics
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 can be a key to maximizing our
potentials
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potential
show examples
.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Strengthen the introduction and conclusion by clearly stating the essay’s purpose and summarizing key arguments, respectively, to improve coherence.
Task Achievement
While you have covered multiple viewpoints, try to provide more examples and delve into specifics for a more comprehensive task achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try organizing the essay with clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to provide a stronger logical structure and ensure smooth flow of ideas.
Task Achievement
Ensure all points are directly focused on the question and avoid tangential information. Introduce and explain each point before moving to the next for enhanced clarity.
Task Achievement
The essay effectively discusses both views regarding economic progress and other types of progress, with fair depth and giving examples.
Task Achievement
The argument concerning the benefits of economic progress and its relation to living standards and national competitiveness is well-stated.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a logical connection between social advancements and societal benefits discussed; showcasing a good level of coherence between paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
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