IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that government should spend money for faster public transportation, others think that there are other important priorities of public transport (cost, environment). Discuss both view and give your opinion.

There are some
people
Use synonyms
 who believe that considering public
transport
Use synonyms
, making it faster is the most crucial target for
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 because it decreases traffic jams. I completely agree with them despite of ideas of their opponents that environmental orientation and convenience of public
transport
Use synonyms
 are more important. Considering other pivotal priorities,
people
Use synonyms
 argue that
firstly
Linking Words
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should change old buses, which produce
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of fumes, to clean ones.
This
Linking Words
 is because exhausted gases deteriorate cities and destroy
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
 of citizens, affecting
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their breath system.
For example
Linking Words
, in Almaty,
place
Add an article
a place
the place
show examples
 where I am based, many
people
Use synonyms
 suffer from asthma, the disease of polluted air.
In contrast
Linking Words
, if public
transport
Use synonyms
 was
environmental
Change the adjective
environmentally
show examples
 friendly,
people
Use synonyms
 would not consume contaminated air, so increasing the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of clean
vehicals
Correct your spelling
vehicles
 is so important.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the prioritisation of making public
transport
Use synonyms
 faster positively impacts on ameliorating the significant issue of traffic jams. It is hard to deny, that for many authorities of
megapolices
Add a comma
megapolices,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem is crucial and they try to make pressure on roads lower. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other
word
Fix the agreement mistake
words
show examples
, the idea of speeding up public
transport
Use synonyms
 may be attractive
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 drivers, who will choose
use
Fix the infinitive
to use
show examples
 a public system
instead
Linking Words
 of their cars.
This
Linking Words
 conclusion is based on
fact
Add an article
the fact
show examples
 that many
people
Use synonyms
 commute by
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
personal vehicle in light of
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
public
transport
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 too slow. So, if a
government
Use synonyms
make
Verb problem
apply
show examples
improve
Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
show examples
speed
Add an article
the speed
show examples
 of buses or trains,
people
Use synonyms
 will escape from cars to these vehicles, decreasing traffic jams. In conclusion, I firmly believe, that
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
sould
Correct your spelling
should
could
 spend money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 faster public
transport
Use synonyms
 because it may not only solve
promlems
Correct your spelling
problems
 with overloading roads, but
also
Linking Words
lowering
Wrong verb form
lower
show examples
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of cars on
roads
Correct article usage
the roads
show examples
 and
overal
Correct your spelling
overall
 air pollution in cities.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure to maintain clear grammar and sentence structure to increase clarity and strength of arguments.
Task Achievement
Support all points with relevant, specific examples to augment the argument.
Task Achievement
Aim to balance discussing both views evenly to provide a more comprehensive perspective.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion on public transport priorities.
Task Achievement
The use of specific examples, such as the reference to Almaty and its air pollution challenges, strengthens the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Both views are well-discussed, offering a balanced examination of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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