IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Write about the following topic: In the past, most working people had only one job. However, nowadays, more and more people have more than one job at the same time. What are the reasons for this development? What are the advantages and disadvantages of having more than one job?

#topic #people #job #time #development
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It is known that humans used to have just
one
 job. Nowadays, it is more often common to see people with more than a single occupation.
This
 essay will discuss the positive and negative aspects of having more than
one
employment
Replace the word
employee
show examples
 and will argue the reasons why
this
 is happening. On the
one
 hand, people in the past used to afford their expenditures with just a small income. Nowadays, everything is more expensive than years ago, making it more difficult to pay all our expenses with just
one
 salary. A recent article suggests
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
people
Correct word choice
that people
show examples
 are opting to work longer hours to achieve their goals,
ofter
Correct your spelling
often
show examples
 driven by financial motivations.
On the other hand
, there are some benefits and drawbacks of having more than
one
employment
Replace the word
employee
show examples
. The main advantage of having two or more jobs is that it will provide you with a great experience and you will be able to develop great skills.
Furthermore
, you will have a higher income and
that is
 something positive when you have goals
such
 as owning a house, travelling or studying.
Although
 being able to have these possibilities is something amazing, there are some disadvantages.
For instance
, a large number of hours worked per week could lead to a high level of stress and a lack of time for themselves, and their loved ones.
To sum up
,
this
 essay discussed the pros and cons of having many jobs. Even if money is needed to keep living, it is good to find a work-life balance, and our well-being is as important as employment. Having an accomplished and fulfilling life should be the most important goal in life.
Submitted by jimeilaria on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Consider using more connectors to clearly outline the transition between your ideas. This can enhance the logical flow of the essay.
Task Response
Try to integrate more specific examples or statistical data to back up your points, which will strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea or aspect, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion topic.
Task Achievement
You provide a balanced discussion of the advantages and disadvantages, showcasing a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
Clear use of language with minimal errors helps convey your ideas effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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