IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the modern day, musicians and painters require a lot of money to create art. Some say the
government
Use synonyms
 should step in and help fund them
while
Linking Words
 others believe
this
Linking Words
 job to be for alternative sources. In my opinion, the
government
Use synonyms
 should only help with funding for artwork that promotes their culture since they have to use the budget for other more important aspects
such
Linking Words
 as healthcare or education.
Then
Linking Words
 the budget for artists would fall for art-related companies.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the
government
Use synonyms
 has a lot of responsibility for the entire country. They cannot focus mainly on some subjective aspects like art. They must regulate other infrastructures that would help their citizen' lives become better.
For example
Linking Words
, rather than give money to create a music video that cannot guarantee success they will prefer to take
this
Linking Words
 money to help construct hospitals that will eventually save more lives and have a greater impact on society.
However
Linking Words
, for some pieces that can promote their tradition, they can support it because there are plenty of benefits
such
Linking Words
 as attracting tourists, boosting the economy, and spreading culture worldwide. So, the artists would be funded by their companies since there are various businesses in music and art marketing. Those are designed to completely support these artists
then
Linking Words
 they should provide a budget.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they have specialists in
this
Linking Words
 field so they can help them perform even better with the help of huge organizations
for instance
Linking Words
 they can give some advanced tools for painters which will make their work easier and better in both quality and quantity. To summarize, even though creativity should be supported by the
government
Use synonyms
, they should prioritize other aspects of life first and
then
Linking Words
 only help those who have merits for the
overall
Linking Words
 society.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
This
Linking Words
 funding should be by the businesses in
this
Linking Words
 industry not only because they can provide the cost but
also
Linking Words
 have a professional in the field to help.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure your conclusion is specific and summarises your main points clearly. Avoid ending abruptly to leave a lasting impression.
task achievement
While your introduction sets the stage for your argument, make sure the conclusion is as strong to reinforce your position in the reader's mind.
task achievement
Develop your argument more fully by providing more examples or elaborating on your points to strengthen your discussion.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a balanced discussion of both perspectives on the issue.
coherence cohesion
You have used linking words and phrases effectively to maintain a steady flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are generally well-supported, and you offer logical reasoning for your opinions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial support
  • creative artists
  • alternative sources
  • cultural traditions
  • economic benefits
  • creative industries
  • private sponsorship
  • crowdfunding
  • non-profit organizations
  • competitive environment
  • innovative
  • diverse works
  • freedom of expression
  • censorship
  • public-private partnerships
What to do next:
Look at other essays: