In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
In recent years, some have argued that the population of elderly
people
is causing problems for the government. Others say that there are many advantages to a community having people
who are in late adulthood. This
essay aims to identify if the benefits of having a population of older people
outweigh the drawbacks or vice versa.
The main benefit of elderly people
in society is they clarify and explain our history and culture
. Technology development makes young people
miss their identity and misunderstand their culture
, meanwhile, older people
are stuck in their values of culture
and talk about it almost every moment, having said that they remind and teach children and young people
social and cultural values. It is considered to be respectful with them and know how to treat them well because they have experience in life. To illustrate that, some people
prefer to ask for advice from elderly people
because they find them more wise in making decisions. However
, from my perspective, the oldest people
play a crucial part in our society today for cohesion and intellectual diversity.
There are also
some disadvantages of overpopulation of elderly people
because they need good care from their families or nursing homes. It is also
pointed out that they tend to be more sensitive and difficult to deal with sometimes, which puts their families under high pressure and stress when they try to look after them. Many elderly people
are suffering from different illnesses such
as diabetes, Alzheimer and blood pressure. For instance
, treating these illnesses could cause a high pressure on the government and health care system to provide a good medical staff, nursing homes and hospitals for them. Eventually, there are some issues that the government might face when they are investing more in health services, but l believe that the benefits for elderly people
outweigh the drawbacks.
In conclusion, although
we might face many problems with the treatment or care of elderly people
. But I think that they are role an essential part of our community of being close to our culture
and identity. For these reasons, the positives far outnumber the negatives.Submitted by ghazl.1998g on
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coherence
To improve coherence, work on smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas. For instance, instead of jumping from benefits to disadvantages abruptly, use linking phrases to show the relationship.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to strengthen arguments. For instance, instead of general statements about diseases, mention how countries like Japan handle their aging population.
introduction present
The introduction clearly states the essay's intention and outlines the main topics of discussion.
logical structure
The essay maintains a clear structure, with distinct sections for benefits and disadvantages.
conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the writer's stance and reinforces their argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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