In today's world, people spend a lot of money on appearance because they want to look younger. Why is this happening? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
It is true that
appearance
is spent amount of money
by people
who would like to have youthful
look in the modern era, In my opinion, there are two reasons behind Correct article usage
a youthful
this
phenomenon, and I believe that this
have
a negative effect on their Change the verb form
has
health
.
There are two reasons why people
spend their money
on appearance
to gain a youthful look. Firstly
, social media brings modern people
comparison with others according to
technology progress. To explain, the more people
are exposed to social media such
as instagram
and Change the capitalization
Instagram
twitter
, the easier it is for them to see Capitalize word
Twitter
people
’s appearance
throughout the world, which makes them take their appearance
into account, which means that they would like to manage their appearance
by looking younger. In addition
, social age is likely to decrease, expanding life span due to
development
of medicine. Correct article usage
the development
For example
, in the world, they get married and jobs later so that
most Correct word choice
apply
people
usually tend to look younger than their original age.
The epidemic of preferring youthful
look has a negative effect on both mental and physical Correct article usage
a youthful
health
. First of all, this
brings them mental damage. If they don’t satisfy their changing appearance
after spending a lot of money
, not only will they be able to get stressed, but they can also
fall into insecurity. Thus
they have mental problems such
as depression and insomnia. Beside
, they want to be Replace the word
Besides
getting
younger than before even though they spend their Verb problem
apply
money
on appearance
since they will pursue endless 욕심so that they can harm their physical health
, giving various surgical surgery
.
Fix the agreement mistake
surgeries
To sum up
, this
phenomenon has caused the proliferation of social media and the growing age of society. I think that this
has a negative effect on people
's health
.Submitted by axo667377 on
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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion, establishing the main points effectively from the start.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task with relevant points on why people spend money on looking younger and considers the impact on health.
coherence cohesion
Main points are generally clear and well-supported, though additional examples could enhance the argument.
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