In today's world, people spend a lot of money on appearance because they want to look younger. Why is this happening? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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It is true that

appearance

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is spent amount of

money

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people

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who would like to have

youthful

Correct article usage

a youthful

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look in the modern era, In my opinion, there are two reasons behind

this

Linking Words

phenomenon, and I believe that

this

Linking Words

have

Change the verb form

has

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a negative effect on their

health

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. There are two reasons why

people

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spend their

money

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appearance

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to gain a youthful look.

Firstly

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, social media brings modern

people

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comparison with others

according to

Linking Words

technology progress. To explain, the more

people

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are exposed to social media

such

Linking Words

instagram

Change the capitalization

Instagram

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and

twitter

Capitalize word

Twitter

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, the easier it is for them to see

people

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’s

appearance

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throughout the world, which makes them take their

appearance

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into account, which means that they would like to manage their

appearance

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by looking younger.

In addition

Linking Words

, social age is likely to decrease, expanding life span

due to

Linking Words

development

Correct article usage

the development

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of medicine.

For example

Linking Words

, in the world, they get married and jobs later so

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

most

people

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usually tend to look younger than their original age. The epidemic of preferring

youthful

Correct article usage

a youthful

show examples

look has a negative effect on both mental and physical

health

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. First of all,

this

Linking Words

brings them mental damage. If they don’t satisfy their changing

appearance

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after spending a lot of

money

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, not only will they be able to get stressed, but they can

also

Linking Words

fall into insecurity.

Thus

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they have mental problems

such

Linking Words

as depression and insomnia.

Beside

Replace the word

Besides

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, they want to be

getting

Verb problem

apply

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younger than before even though they spend their

money

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appearance

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since they will pursue endless 욕심so that they can harm their physical

health

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, giving various surgical

surgery

Fix the agreement mistake

surgeries

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To sum up

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

phenomenon has caused the proliferation of social media and the growing age of society. I think that

this

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has a negative effect on

people

Use synonyms

health

Use synonyms

axo667377Wed Oct 23 2024

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task achievement

Include more specific examples to support your points. Specific cases or studies can strengthen your argument and make your essay more compelling.

task achievement

Ensure your ideas are conveyed more comprehensively. Some parts of the essay are outlined well, but there could be more depth in certain arguments for better clarity.

coherence cohesion

Try to improve logical structure by organizing your arguments in a more systematic way. Consider linking your points more clearly to build a more cohesive argument.

coherence cohesion

Clear introduction and conclusion, establishing the main points effectively from the start.

task achievement

The essay addresses the task with relevant points on why people spend money on looking younger and considers the impact on health.

coherence cohesion

Main points are generally clear and well-supported, though additional examples could enhance the argument.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

289 words

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In today's world, people spend a lot of money on appearance because they want to look younger. Why is this happening? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Many students find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention at school. What are the reasons? What could be done to solve this problem? You should write at least 254 words.

Governments give a lot of support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been used elsewhere. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Write a letter to express sympathy for comforting a friend during difficult time

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.