At the present time, the populatiion of some counries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Recently, the issue of having a number of young working adults has become the subject of heated debate. Some
people
assert that
although
there are some disadvantages to a youthful population, these are outweighed by the advantages,
while
others argue
otherwise
. And I wholeheartedly agree with the former stand. In the following essay, both views will be discussed before a conclusion is reached with my opinion. On the one hand, those who claim that
this
causes a number of problems do so for several reasons. Proponents of
this
argument insist that there is likely to be fiercer competition for jobs and an increase in the unemployment rate, which can lower the quality of life of the general population, including their mental health. Another argument is that
this
can
also
place strain on a range of public services,
such
as education. To be specific, schools may become overcrowded and the
overall
quality of education can suffer. Given these points, some
people
hold the view that there are numerous downsides to
this
situation. My opinion,
however
, is that these countries can benefit a great deal from having a large number of adults. Perhaps the most compelling reason is that there is a larger workforce available.
This
can in turn increase the country’s competitiveness in the global economy if public funding is allocated to creating manufacturing jobs for young
people
, who can
then
make products for export. Another convincing reason is that society would become more progressive because of the innovative and creative ideas of young
people
.
This
could have a positive impact on solving social issues
such
as health problems. To exemplify, research conducted by Seoul National University has demonstrated that 96% of new medicines are developed by young experts. In light of the above, I find these more persuasive. In conclusion, it is undeniable that there are a variety of opinions about
this
topic.
However
, after considering
this
matter in a careful manner, I fully support the view that a large youth population brings significant benefits to society.
Submitted by zizi03199 on

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task achievement
To enhance task response, ensure that all claims, such as economic growth potential, are supported by specific examples or evidence.
coherence cohesion
Consider refining transitions between paragraphs to strengthen the flow of ideas.
introduction conclusion present
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
logical structure
Strong logical structure with well-supported arguments on both sides.
relevant specific examples
The use of specific examples, such as the study from Seoul National University, helps to substantiate claims.

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