IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Mobile phones and the internet could have many benefits for older adults. However, this age group uses technology the least. What are the benefits for older adults of using mobile phones and the internet? How can we encourage them to use this new technology?

people
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 mid
aged
Correct your spelling
mid-aged
show examples
 group have been using cellphones and
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 to
least
Correct article usage
the least
show examples
 of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 capabilities.
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 older
people
Use synonyms
 can be benefited in many ways by using
gadjets
Correct your spelling
gadgets
 with
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
although
Linking Words
 some of us need to boost them to
use
Use synonyms
Linking Words
this new technology devices
Change the determiner
this new technology device
these new technology devices
show examples
. In recent times, some
people
Use synonyms
 from the mentioned age group are currently using
Use synonyms
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 in some form.
as
Capitalize word
As
show examples
Correct article usage
the younge
show examples
younge
Correct your spelling
younger
young
 generation we should teach them how to
use
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 and mobile devices to the fullest.
for example
Linking Words
,
if
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
we can
tgeach
Correct your spelling
teach
 the elders, how to
serch
Correct your spelling
search
 for information and find it using the
internet
Use synonyms
 and to
use
Use synonyms
maps
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 mobile phones.
This
Linking Words
Use synonyms
maps
Change the noun form
map
show examples
 feature can help them to reach places and check for the other
exiting
Correct your spelling
existing
show examples
 areas in the surroundings.
for example
Linking Words
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 bought my grandfather
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 mobile phone and
teached
Correct your spelling
taught
show examples
 him how to
use
Use synonyms
maps
Use synonyms
 and search
places
Change preposition
for places
show examples
 that he want to go and explore.
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 been a big
relife
Correct your spelling
relief
show examples
 and
helpfull
Correct your spelling
helpful
 to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 his dream of travelling and
explore
Wrong verb form
exploring
show examples
placess
Correct your spelling
places
 using
maps
Use synonyms
.
in
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand, we can
also
Linking Words
 teach them how to watch their favourite
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
 shows or sports and
as well as
Linking Words
 clicking pictures. learning
hoew
Correct your spelling
how
 to take photos will help them to capture all
things
Correct article usage
the things
show examples
 they want to store those
picutures
Correct your spelling
pictures
as
Change preposition
in
show examples
 memory and save
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 to see and memorize them in future. as to strengthen
this
Linking Words
. in my experience, my grandparents are very overwhelmed that they can take photos of the things they are experiencing and most
importently
Correct your spelling
importantly
 they were happy about taking pictures of the family.
To conclude
Linking Words
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think that elderly
people
Use synonyms
 need to know about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology to the fullest of its potential and required to cheer them to
use
Use synonyms
 technology.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Try to organize your essay into clear, distinct paragraphs with a clear topic sentence and supporting details. This will help improve the logical structure and coherence of your writing.
introduction conclusion present
Develop the introduction and conclusion more fully. A strong introduction will clearly present the topic and your point of view, while a conclusion should summarize the main points effectively.
relevant specific examples
Use more specific examples and elaborate on them to better illustrate your points. This can enhance the relevance and effectiveness of your arguments.
complete response
Ensure your essay covers all parts of the task comprehensively, providing balanced and detailed responses to both parts of the question.
relevant specific examples
You have made a good attempt at providing specific examples, such as teaching your grandfather how to use maps on a mobile phone, which helps clarify your points.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion provides a clear summary of your main points, which is important to finish your essay strongly.
complete response
You have shown an understanding of the topic by discussing the benefits and challenges of older adults using technology.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: