IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people keep animals in their homes. Discuss the pros and cons of owning a pet for the animals and for society.

#people #animals #homes #pet #society
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There is a saying that "humans are social
animals
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," i.e., creating relationships with others, involving not only between
people
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 but
also
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 between
people
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 and our
pets
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, is essential for our lives. Recently, many
people
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 have
pets
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 in their homes as one member of their family,
while
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 there is the other side of the coin of advantages and disadvantages to the
animals
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 and society. First and foremost, the benefit of keeping
pets
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 in a domestic situation is to foster our health by playing or walking with
pets
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.
For example
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, my grandmother has had a small dog for 10 years and has walked with it daily.
As a result
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,
this
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 regular physical activity enables her to stay fit.
Additionally
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,
this
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 ability of
pets
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 makes it possible to reduce medical costs, contributing to society's well-being.
On the other hand
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, there is a significant problem for
animals
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 and our society: many
animals
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 that do not have their owners are killed in the facilities. The primary reason for
such
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 tragic news is a lack of capability of owners, e.g., too old
people
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 or money. Killing many
animals
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 is harmful not only to them but
also
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 to the local government because the action requires a lot of money. In conclusion, nowadays,
although
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 many
people
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 enjoy life with their own
pets
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 to keep fit, there is the fact that many
animals
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 are killed
due to
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 a lack of capability of owners. All in all, I believe that owning
pets
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 is
much
Rephrase
very
show examples
 beneficial for our lives, but we have to consider some solutions to ensure the
animals
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' rights.
Submitted by hide8335 on

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Task Achievement
Try to include more specific examples to further strengthen your arguments, such as additional statistics or studies related to pet ownership and its impact on health.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Consider using transition words or phrases to guide the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that every key point you make is adequately supported with detailed information, facts, or examples as this will demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, effectively framing the discussion.
Task Achievement
Your essay includes a good example of personal experience, which helps to illustrate the benefits of pet ownership.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses both advantages and disadvantages of pet ownership, showcasing a balanced view of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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