IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

Some people say that advertising is extremely succesfull at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #succesfull #attention
Due to
 technology and the internet, advertising has become one of the main challenges in marketing.
While
 some believe that advertising has no influence on
people
 to buy things, I agree with those who feel that
advertisements
 are key for selling goods. On the one hand, it could be argued that promoting businesses through
advertisements
 doesn't encourage
people
 to trust them.
Nevertheless
, those who support
this
 idea say that to have good profits in the market, sellers must focus on the quality of their products.
Consequently
,
people
 will be convinced to buy everything that they need from those shops.
Moreover
, it is said that advertising is an unnecessary expense which doesn't make in growth of income.
As a result
, businessmen have to spend all of their incomes on advertising.
On the other hand
, I side with those who believe that marketing in today's globalized economy is inevitable. One of the greatest impacts of marketing is that it makes
people
 familiar with the name and logo of the brand. For illustration, thinking about what has been shown on TV makes
people
 select the brand without any hesitation.
However
, my strongest argument for advertising is because of the fact that it has ripple effects. Take,
for example
, online shops in social media,
such
 as Instagram, to promote their products.
Hence
, anyone who has seen
this
 advertisement on
this
 platform might send it to friends and relatives and so on. In conclusion,
although
 some
advertisements
 may not be good enough to make money, promoting through
advertisements
 shows its benefits over a long period.
Therefore
, on balance, I strongly believe that anyone who wants to sell their things should pay attention to marketing.
Submitted by mohamadhoseinvaeedi on

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task achievement
Ensure all main points are equally well supported, specifically in demonstrating how some advertisements might fail to influence but overall serves a significant purpose.
coherence cohesion
Maintain clarity in distinguishing between why some people are not influenced by advertising and how advertisements can still have significant impacts.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a balanced discussion of both sides of the argument before presenting a personal perspective.
coherence cohesion
A clear introduction and conclusion effectively frame the argument.
task achievement
The essay offers relevant examples to support key points, especially in the discussion of advertising's influence through brand familiarity and social media.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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