IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many countries saw an increase in the population of groups below 15. What is the current effect? What are some potential future effects?

Many countries have experienced a rise in the number of people under 15, leading to significant social and economic implications.
This
Linking Words
 demographic trend has both immediate and long-term effects on society. In the short term, a large young
population
Use synonyms
 puts pressure on education systems and healthcare services.
Goverments
Correct your spelling
Governments
 must allocate substantial resources to build more schools, train teachers, and improve medical facilities to meet the increasing demand.
Additionally
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, parents may face financial strain as they invest more in their children's education and well-being.
Furthermore
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, countries with a high number of dependents may experience an economic burden, as working adults must support a growing non-working
population
Use synonyms
. Looking to the future, the effects of
this
Linking Words
 demographic shift can be both positive and negative. On one hand, if properly educated and provided with sufficient opportunities, these young individuals will contribute to economic growth and technological innovation when they enter the workforce. Countries with a large working-age
population
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 can benefit from a demographic dividend, leading to increased productivity and global competitiveness.
On the other hand
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, if job opportunities do not grow at the same rate, youth unemployment may become a major issue, resulting in social unrest and economic instability.
Additionally
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, overpopulation could put
further
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 strain on natural resources and urban infrastructure. In conclusion,
while
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 an increasing young
population
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 presents opportunities for economic expansion, it
also
Linking Words
 poses challenges that require careful planning. Governments must invest in education, job creation and sustainable development to ensure long-term prosperity.

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task
Task response shows the topic well and covers short and long term ideas. To raise score, give a real and clear example of change in schools, work, or money.
coherence
Cohesion uses good links like In the short term and On the other hand. Try to make flow smoother by keeping ideas short and with clear links.
structure
Structure is good with three parts, but keep one idea to one line when you write. Start with an easy intro, then 2 or 3 body lines, and finish with a short ending.
grammar
Grammar and spelling need some fix. Correct words like Governments, healthcare, and non-working person. Use simple and clear words.
content
Add real examples or numbers to back each point. For example, how many more schools or jobs could come, or how people feel now.
content
The essay talks about both short and long term effects.
coherence
There is a clear way to link ideas with words like 'In the short term' and 'In conclusion'.
structure
There is a clear end with a closing sentence.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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