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Band 7

These days many people leave their country to work abroad and take their family with them. Do you think benefits of this outweigh disadvantages in terms of family development?

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Nowadays many people are moving abroad to work and study,
together with
 their families. In
this
 essay, I'll discuss the
advantages
 and disadvantages with the purpose of providing a logical conclusion. First of all, I want to talk about the
advantages
. Two paramount of them are getting out of the routine and an opportunity for personal development.
Firstly
, when you are changing your environment, you have to cope with new problems, sometimes with the language and cultural barrier, and study new rules of life. So, it changes your routine, you are breathing a new air, your relationships in your family are changing too.
For example
, my own family. All of us are feeling more friendly after we have moved to Canada. We have here a lot of new opportunities that we didn't have in our previous country.
Secondly
, all of us have started a new life. New schools, new friends, and new feelings.
For example
, my younger daughter has a new friend, who is Muslim. In Israel it was impossible, and now I'm really happy for her. But despite all of
advantages
Add an article
the advantages
show examples
, there are some disadvantages. First and foremost, in my humble opinion, is the lack of family members like parents (grandparents of your children), sisters/brothers (aunts and uncles), and so on. One more instance from my life. Me and my husband are near our 50th, our parents are elderly, and not very healthy. So, it was very hard to leave them.
Furthermore
, I have two elder sisters, which has a very strong connection with me. So, it was hard for me to leave them, too.
Finally
, sometimes you are moving to the worst conditions, which you have had in your own country, and it takes time to reach your goals.
For instance
, we had our own beautiful flat in Israel, and here in Canada, we still don't have the possibility to buy our own house. In conclusion, for me, the
advantages
 of moving overseas with the family outweigh the disadvantages. You only have to be aware, of what are you doing for, and to be together.
Submitted by anastasia on

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task achievement
While the essay provides a thorough discussion of both advantages and disadvantages of moving abroad with family, ensure that each disadvantage paragraph is equally developed as the advantages, to balance the argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear and distinct main idea, with supporting arguments or examples that directly relate to that main idea. This will enhance the clarity of your ideas and improve cohesion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the discussion well.
task achievement
Relevant and personal examples are used to effectively illustrate key points. These enhance the essay by providing specific instances that support the assertions made.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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