IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, the difference in age between parents and children is generally greater than it was in the past. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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The age gap between
parents
Use synonyms
 and
children
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, these days, is almost bigger than ever all over the world. Generally, I suppose that these huge gaps between
parents
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 and their
children
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 will cause too many traumas among them, but I will try to explain
pros
Correct article usage
the pros
show examples
 and cons in the following sentences. As we know, our generation has less free time than in the past. Plus, because of the educational system and finding jobs
afterward
Change the spelling
afterwards
show examples
, it is hard for men and women to marry each other
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 their younger ages like their ancestors. Well, these reasons
caused
Wrong verb form
cause
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 people to tend to get married in
their
Change the pronoun
the
show examples
 fourth decade of their life. On one hand,
this
Linking Words
 attitude has some advantages, like every
behavioral
Change the spelling
behavioural
show examples
 preference.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the root of
this
Linking Words
 tendency to bring
children
Use synonyms
 later in life is that people have higher standards for their family, and they want to provide them the best possible situation of living.
Whereas
Linking Words
 just in the previous generation, they only wanted to bring
children
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 without acknowledging its consequences, no matter what would happen in their future life. Obviously, in
this
Linking Words
 era,
children
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 and families are more satisfied than before because they
were
Wrong verb form
are
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 almost ready
for taking
Change preposition
to take
show examples
 responsibility
to bring
Change preposition
for bringing
show examples
 another human into the world.
Secondly
Linking Words
, some research has shown that bringing
children
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for
Change preposition
to
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 after their 30s has an important effect on
children
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's mental health.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, we know that it is really vital for
parents
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 to have a chance to see their possible grandchildren.
Linking Words
While these
Correct word choice
These
show examples
 days
this
Linking Words
 opportunity has been diminishing gradually among
parents
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, which can bring some anxiety
itself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to men and women who are watching their lovely
children
Use synonyms
 getting older at the same time their chance to see their grandchildren is vanishing.
Besides
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,
due to
Linking Words
 reasons that I mentioned previously, the number of
children
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 that
parents
Use synonyms
 can bring is limited,
thus
Linking Words
 the population is slowly going to be old and it has its danger for every society that wants to progress. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 there are some advantages to increasing age gaps between
parents
Use synonyms
 and their
children
Use synonyms
, the challenges that
this
Linking Words
 attitude brings are more dangerous for our future as humans.

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task achievement
Include a variety of examples or specific data to illustrate your points more vividly. This can help strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph develops one main idea. At times, multiple ideas seem to be packed into a single paragraph, which can disrupt the reader's focus.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and gives a general perspective on it, setting a clear direction for the essay.
task achievement
You have clearly addressed both sides of the argument, listing solid advantages and disadvantages of larger age gaps.
logical structure
The essay follows a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • generation gap
  • intergenerational
  • fulfilling
  • complications
  • stigma
  • judgment
  • advancing age
  • life experience
  • wisdom
  • financial stability
  • opportunity
  • patience
  • maturity
  • relationships
  • communication
  • physical energy
  • social
  • learning
  • understanding
  • age difference
  • older parents
  • risk
  • challenges
  • young children
  • society
  • quality time
  • grandchildren
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