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Band 7

Some people suggest that social networking and online communication have increased social isolation. In what ways do you think this has happened? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
Nowadays, social networking and online communication have become an essential part of our daily lives. Despite their popularity, these technologies have contributed to social isolation in several ways, particularly by reducing face-to-face interactions and affecting the quality of
relationships
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.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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, one major reason why social networking can lead to social isolation is that
people
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 spend too much time on their phones
instead
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 of communicating in person.
As a result
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, they may become less comfortable with face-to-face conversations and find it difficult to develop strong
relationships
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.
For example
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, many teenagers prefer texting their
friends
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 or scrolling through social media during breaks at school rather than talking to their classmates.
Consequently
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, they may miss valuable opportunities to build meaningful friendships.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
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, online communication can create the illusion that
people
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 are socially connected when they actually feel lonely.
Although
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 social media allows users to have hundreds of online
friends
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, these
relationships
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 are not always as deep or supportive as real-life friendships.
People
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 sometimes focus too much on receiving likes and comments
instead
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 of developing genuine connections.
For instance
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, someone may regularly post pictures with
friends
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 and appear happy online
while
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 feeling lonely in their everyday life.
Conclusion
In conclusion, social networking and online communication can increase social isolation by replacing face-to-face conversations and encouraging superficial
relationships
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. To my mind, technology should be used to strengthen
relationships
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 rather than replace real human interaction.
People
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 should find a balance between their online activities and spending quality time with family and
friends
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.

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task response
Your answer deals with both main ways: less face-to-face talk and weak online ties. To make it more full, explain one more result, such as poor social skills or less time with family.
task response
Your examples fit the main points well. Make them more real and clear by adding a short detail, such as how a teen feels left out after spending every break online.
task response
Your own view is clear at the end. You could also add a short personal example from your own life or from people you know, if it is true.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main parts, and a clear end. Keep this plan in future writing.
coherence and cohesion
The links between ideas are clear. You use words such as “Firstly”, “As a result”, and “For example” well. Try not to use “people” too often; use words like “users”, “teens”, or “friends” when they fit.
coherence and cohesion
Each main part stays on one idea. For even smoother flow, add a short link at the end of each part to show how that point leads to feeling alone.
task response
You answer the question directly and give clear reasons for how online life can make people feel alone.
task response
The point about having many online friends but still feeling lonely is strong and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are in a good order, and each main part has a clear topic, reason, and example.
coherence and cohesion
The final part sums up your main ideas and gives a clear view about finding a balance.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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