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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people suggest that social networking and online communication have increased social isolation. In what ways do you think this has happened? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
Nowadays, social networking and online
communication
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 are an inseparable part of our society. It is impossible not to agree that the online sphere is an important component of our daily
life
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 and affects our
communication
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 skills. From my point of view,
this
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 impact depends on the personal character of each individual.
While
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 introverts often use these platforms as a shield to retreat from real-world communities, extroverts,
conversely
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, exploit them to maintain connections despite tight schedules, yet both groups risk falling into the trap of superficial relationships that ultimately worsen isolation.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, real-
life
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communication
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 in most cases is far more demanding than online interaction, as it requires developed social skills.
However
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, in virtual
communication
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,
while
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 some users can easily find new acquaintances, others tend to withdraw into themselves within a limited circle of people.
For example
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, a recent study by the World Health
Organization
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Organisation
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 revealed that a growing number of teenagers with social anxiety prefer text-based
communication
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 over physical meetings, which has led to a 20% increase in youth isolation over the
last
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 decade.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,
this
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 type of social interaction in social networks may help some people maintain their
communication
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 skills for real
life
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. Undoubtedly, modern
life
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 is highly multifaceted and increasingly fast-paced, but
that is
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 not a justification for withdrawing from society.
For instance
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, in my busy
life
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online
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, online
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communication
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 helps me maintain my social side and develop
vie
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via
 my mobile phone, PC or VR-Headset.
Conclusion
Finally
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, the modern world shows us that there are thousands of ways to
socialize
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socialise
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 with each other, but it depends on the person.
For
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From
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 my point of view, our
life
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 provides us with all opportunities to keep us socially connected in a fast-paced world.

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task response
You answer the main question and give two clear ways: some people avoid face-to-face contact, and online links can stay shallow. However, explain more clearly how each way makes people feel alone. The second body paragraph partly says online talk is helpful, so link it back to the idea of isolation.
task response
Give more full support for your ideas. For example, explain that text messages can replace real meetings, so people may have fewer close friends and less practice in real talk. Your last paragraph repeats your view but does not add a strong final answer to the question.
task response
Use examples that you can explain well. The WHO study and the 20% figure sound very exact, but they are not explained. A simple personal or common-life example would be safer and clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body paragraphs, and an ending. To make the flow stronger, make each body paragraph focus on one main way online communication can cause isolation.
coherence and cohesion
The link between paragraphs needs to be clearer. The phrase “On the other hand” shows an opposite idea, but the paragraph then says people should not withdraw from society. Start by saying that online contact can help, but it may still fail to give close, real support.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the idea is not fully clear. For example, “maintain my social side and develop vie my mobile phone” needs a clearer meaning. Use short, direct sentences and explain one point at a time.
coherence and cohesion
Your ending should sum up the two main ways from the body paragraphs. Do not only say that people have many chances to stay connected; state that online contact can lead to isolation when it replaces real meetings or creates weak links.
task response
You give a clear main view in the first paragraph: online communication can affect people in different ways, but shallow links can make isolation worse.
task response
You include both a general example about young people and a personal example about a busy life. This helps show that you are trying to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to see as a full piece of writing because it has an opening, body paragraphs, and a final paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “First of all”, “For example”, “On the other hand”, and “Finally” to guide the reader through your ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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